My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Lavrentiy]

Прошу помощи в проверке эссе. Спасибо.
.

Topic: Zoos are sometimes seen as necessary but (1) not poor alternatives to a natural environment. Discuss some of the arguments for and/or against keeping animals in zoos.

I think that the question about whether animals (2) should keep in zoos is (3) the one that is rather controversial and open for debate. Some people believe that zoos play (4) very important role in (5) social’s life. However other people are against (6) of zoos because (7) of cruel towards wild animals. In this essay I will discuss these ( point of view and present my view in (9) favor (10) people who believe that zoos are not necessary.

(11) From the one hand, there are many benefits in keeping animals in zoos. The most obvious advantage of (12) it is that zoos take part in breeding endangered species. Last decades bring us many environmental issues (13) as a result of deforestation. So many (14) kind of animals have lost their natural habitat and are at the edge of extinction. In connection with these challenges many zoos have special conservation programs for (15) mentioned above species. In addition to these practical benefits zoos are used for educational purposes. Take for example the fact that children have great opportunity to watch wild animals such as bears, horses, monkeys and tigers alive. Apparently, they can gain much more new knowledge and experience this way than (16) in usual classes.

On the other hand, there are many disadvantages when animals (17) have to live in zoos. First of all, keeping animals in zoos (1 are not humane. There is no doubt that wild animals as well as any (19) alive creatures need freedom and (20) enough private room. All animals want to be (21) close to natural environment. People don’t have any moral right to deprive animals of their freedom (22) . Furthermore, animals are not toys in human’s arms and zoos (23) can’t be a place for entertainments. Think about a (24) white bear that have to be in a cage while (25) the temperature of the environmental air is +25C.

Taking into account everything mentioned above, personally I am sure that zoos will not have (26) place in the future.

(1) not – ne nado
(2) should be kept
(3) the one that is – ne nado
(4) “a” – nado
(5) social life. Our social life? Some animals are social creatures. They may also have a social life.
(6) of – ne nado
(7) because they are cruel towards wild animals?
( points of view
(9) favour – v Britanii i Avstralii
(10) in favour OF THE people – slova posle “who” delajut “people” opredeljonnymi, znachit nado “the people”
(11) ON the one hand
(12) of THEM, ie zoos?
(13) as a result of = caused by. Luchshe?
(14) kinds
(15) the – nado, t.k. they are mentioned above, t.e. ponjatno kakie. Luchshe: the species mentioned above.
(16) in usual classes = in class. Luchshe?
(17) Nado po-sil’nee: when animals are MADE to live in a zoo.
(1 IS not humane
(19) living creatures
(20) enough room to move around. - I don’t think many of them care about “privacy” as much.
(21) to be IN their natural environment?
(22) Exclamation sign!!! Here, here! Preach it, brother!
(23) “shouldn’t be” ?– because not only they can but they ARE places of entertainment now.
(24) You mean Polar bear – but I see what you mean.
(25) the temperature outside is +25C.
(26) a place in the future = have no future. Luchshe?

Horoshee esse, hotja ja ne vo vsjom razdeljaju tvoju tochku zrenija. I live near Regents Park where London Zoo is. I have been many times and can vouch the animals there look very happy. So are the kids!

[trocer]

Друзья, покритикуйте, пожалуйста, а?

Тема:
A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today.
Do you agree or disagree with this statement? What can be done to reduce
violence in our society today?

Essey: (ESSAY)
It is common today to see different programs and films on TV and in the cinema. This make(MAKES) a great influence on our society especially on the children. This is (is НЕ НАДО ЗДЕСЬ) can be seen from increased violence in our society nowadays. (ДВА предложения подряд, начинающиеся со слова this, лучше их объединить в одно) It is argued (ПРОПУЩЕН ПРЕДЛОГ) different articles in newspapers about last evidences in our society and messages from every day’s news(НАБОР СЛОВ, ОЧ. ТРУДНО ЧИТАТЬ, СМЫСЛ ПРЕДЛОЖЕНИЯ НЕ ПОНЯТЕН) . This (ОПЯТЬ this В НАЧАЛЕ ПРЕДЛОЖЕНИЯ ЛУЧШЕ ЗАМЕНИТЬ НА the) link between (ПРОПУЩЕН THE) influence aggression on TV and cinema on young people will be shown below.

Firstly, many action films promote violence on children and other people(В ДЕТЯХ И ДРУГИХ ЛЮДЯХ ????). For example, yong (YOUNG) people can see in the (A а не THE) film (ПРОПУЩЕН A) hero who kill (KILLS) his(OR HER) enemy. After this child think (THINKS) that he will be (ПРОПУЩЕН A) hero if hi (HE а не HI) kill (KILLS) his (OR HER) enemy in real life.(ДВА ПРЕДЛОЖЕНИЯ СОСТАВЛЕННЫЕ ИЗ ОДИНАКОВЫХ СЛОВ) When looking at this example, there is no doubt that (THE) last incident in USA about young man who killed many people in the street is (THE) influence (OF) action films on his life. Thus, there is (AN) obvious link between violence in cinema with (AND а не WITH) aggression (AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE) people, especially children because they is (ARE, а не IS) more impressive.

Secondly, each TV program have (HAS вместо HAVE) (AN) advertising (OF) computer games with aggressive subject and child see (SEES) this and ask (ASKS) his (OR HER) parents to by (BUY) this game. For instance, some days ago all news reported about young boy who killed his friends and teacher in the school.(ТАКОЕ УЖЕ БЫЛО, ПРО МУЖИКА НА УЛИЦЕ) This example make (MAKES) it clear that children project theirs games on (THE) real life. From this it can be concluded, that every person should carefully in choose (CHOOSING) TV programs (PROGRAMMES) and inform which his child get (GETS).

Taking into account everything mentioned above, I am included (I AM INCLINED) to believe that violence on TV and cinema have (HAS) increased violence in our society (ЗАПЯТАЯ) especially among children. As (IT) has been shown(ЗАПЯТАЯ ОБЯЗАТЕЛЬНА) action make (MAKES US AND YOUNG PEOPLE MORE AGGRESSIVE) more aggressive us and young people. It is predicted that our society should to (TO ПОСЛЕ SHOULD НЕ НАДО) cut (THE) violence (VIOLENT) information in (FROM) mass media.

Замеченные ошибки исправил, возможно не все.
Смысловую часть почти не корректировал, но надо бы.

[Irina_ru]

trocer, Спасибо большое!
Думала у меня исправились эти глупые ошибки. Бум работать =)

[Alexander Usov]

To Lavrentiy,
Большое спасибо Вам за помощь с эссе. Очень важные исправления.

[Alexander Usov]

To Lavrentiy,
Большое спасибо Вам за помощь с эссе. Очень важные исправления.

[Alexander Usov]

Кто знает ссылку по видео урокам для написания эссе?

[Puhh]

Кто знает ссылку по видео урокам для написания эссе?

Ели речь об English Ryan, то поищите его в youtube, там все его видео.

Собственно, http://www.youtube.com/user/EnglishRyan

[Alexander Usov]

Эссе на проверку. Ух ну и тема, может кто-нибудь знает еще идеи по этой теме.

What are factors which are related to academic success in high-school students?

I think that the question about what factors are connected with student’s academic success is rather topical and open for debate. Many students face with a lot of challenges while their education in high school. In this essay I will discuss some ways how to overcome these obstacles and succeed in learning.

First of all, I would like to say about mentoring programs for the undergraduate students. These programs are especially vital for the overseas students because they are needed someone who would help them to adopt in new social environment. Recently I have read an article in a magazine about the mentors who help the first year students in higher school. Actually a mentor is a last year student who play very important role in student’s everyday life. In fact he takes part in many issues such as accommodation, relations with teachers and other students and so on.

Another important aspect of this is that in order to succeed in higher school a student should have a lot of hands-on learning. It is well-known fact that theoretical knowledge without fieldwork is dead. Furthermore a student will know much better his future speciality and gain practical knowledge and experience. Imagine for example the situation when a construction engineer knows how to build a house only theoretically. What consequences would be in this case?

Taking into account all mentioned above, I think that the combination of this ways will give the best results. It is undoubted fact that, education is the most important aspect of developing and prosperity of society.

[Lavrentiy]

Эссе на проверку. Ух ну и тема, может кто-нибудь знает еще идеи по этой теме.
.

Эссе на проверку. Ух ну и тема, может кто-нибудь знает еще идеи по этой теме.

What are factors which are related to academic success in high-school students?

I think that the question about what factors are connected with student’s academic success is rather topical and open for debate. (1) Many students face with a lot of challenges (2) while their education in high school. In this essay I will discuss some ways (3) how to overcome these obstacles and succeed in learning.

First of all, I would like to say about mentoring programs for (4) the undergraduate students. These programs are especially vital for (5) the overseas students because (6) they are needed someone who would help them to adopt in (7) new social environment. Recently I have read an article in a magazine about ( the mentors who help (9) the first year students in (10) higher school. Actually (11) a mentor is a last year student who (12) play (13) very important role in (14) student’s everyday life. In fact (15) he takes part in many issues such as accommodation, relations with teachers and other students and so on.

Another important aspect of this is that in order to succeed in (16) higher school a student should have a lot of (17) hands-on learning. It is (1 well-known fact that theoretical knowledge (19) without fieldwork is dead. Furthermore (20) a student will know much better his future speciality and gain practical knowledge and experience. Imagine for example (21) the situation when a construction engineer knows how to build a house only theoretically. What consequences (22) would be in this case?

Taking into account (23) all mentioned above, I think that (24) the combination of this ways will give the best results. It is (25) undoubted fact that, education is the most important aspect of (26) developing and prosperity of society.

(1) ili: “Many students are faced with a lot of challenges” ili: “Many students face a lot of challenges”
(2) during, not while
(3) how – ne nado
(4) the – ne nado
(5) the – ne nado
(6) they need someone who…
(7) a – nado
( the – ne nado
(9) the – ne nado
(10) a – nado
(11) a = one. Luchshe? one mentor…
(12) plays
(13) a – nado
(14) students’
(15) he gets involved in many issues… Luchshe?
(16) pochemy ne “high school”?
(17) “hands-on” chasche upotrebljaetsja v sochetanii “hands-on experience”. Practical learning?
(1 a – nado
(19) without practical / hands-on experience. Luchshe?
(20) the? student uzhe uponjanut kak “a student” vyshe. Pervyj raz “a student” (t.k. chitatel’ ego ne znaet), vtoroj, tretij, i t.d. “the student” (t.k. chitatel’ uzhe znaet o kom rech’). Hotja zdes’ vozmozhno i “a student” esli rech’ idet o gipoteticheskom predstavitele vsego studenchestva.
(21) Trudnen’kij moment. Zdes’, po-moemu, nuzhno “a situation” kak odna situacija iz rjada podobnyh situacij. No ne budu sporit’.
(22) would THERE be in this case…
(23) all the things / everything mentioned above
(24) the combination of all that will give… Luchshe?
(25) AN undoubted fact = There is no doubt that… Luchshe?
(26) development


Ja by esche dobavil access to the Internet, good libraries, well-qualified tutors/teachers, small classes (po chislu studentov), ability to choose your subjects, freedom to experiment and make mistakes and learn from them, freedom from the fear of army conscription (for the lads) and … a decent night club!!!

Where shall I send the bill? lol

[Jedd x]

Проверьте пожалуйста, желательно смысловую часть.

Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they
are a complete waste of time.
Do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

It is obvious that for children’s own good is better to learn while having fun rather than just spending their time simply playing with toys.

First of all, children who spend most of their leisure time in “play and learn” environment are easier to accustom to a next step in their life, a school for example. That has been proved by major child study institutions all over the world in the past twenty years. Nowadays, it is a main scenario how to develop youngers, not only in specialized centers such as nurseries and kindergartens but also in families who understand the importance of how their children conduct their leisure.

Secondly, presuming that children acquire some information on leisure means they are under some kind of a supervision of an adult. Thus, it provides additional security of the children. In modern cities, kids on their own have much higher risk hurting themselves rather than in circumstances where someone watches over them. In North America alone, every year tens of thousands of children get in various accidents due to being unattended.

Thirdly, people, especially younger ones, who do not acquire any knowledge while on leisure, become less susceptible to gaining information in their future life. That kind of a person become lazy, more attracted to bad habits, etc. But on contrast, child who is busy even on his leisure, simply do not have enough time for anything that may spoil him. Such child would develop normally and would avoid many obstacles in his life.

To summarize, it is strongly advisable to society to provide children with enough education, especially on their leisure, hereby insuring their successful further development.

[Lavrentiy]

Проверьте пожалуйста, желательно смысловую часть.

.

Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they
are a complete waste of time.
Do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

It is obvious that for children’s own good is better to learn while having fun rather than just spending their time simply playing with toys.

First of all, children who spend most of their leisure time in “play and learn” environment are easier to accustom to (1) a next step in their life, (2) a school for example. That has been proved by major child (3) study institutions all over the world in the past twenty years. Nowadays, it is a main scenario how to develop (4) youngers, not only in specialized (5) centers such as nurseries and kindergartens but also in families who understand the importance of how their children (6) conduct their leisure.

Secondly, presuming that children acquire some information (7) on leisure means they are under some kind of ( a supervision of an adult. Thus, it provides additional security (9) of the children. In modern cities, kids (10) on their own have (11) much higher risk (12) hurting themselves rather than in (13) circumstances where someone watches over them. In North America alone, every year tens of thousands of children get (14) in various accidents due to being unattended.

Thirdly, people, especially younger ones, who do not acquire any knowledge while on leisure, become less susceptible to gaining information in their future life. That kind of a person (15) become lazy, more (16) attracted to bad habits, etc. But (17) on contrast, (1 child who is busy even (19) on his leisure, simply (20) do not have enough time for anything that may spoil him. Such (21) child would develop normally and would avoid many obstacles in his life.

To summarize, it is strongly advisable to society to provide children with enough education, especially (22) on their leisure, (23) hereby insuring their successful further development.

(1) THE next step. “a” nikogda pered “next”. Byvaet “next” bez artiklja, no ne zdes’.
(2) a – ne nado pered school. …going to school, for example. Luchshe?
(3) research institutions?
(4) youngsters
(5) centres
(6) children don’t “conduct” their leasure. They spend their free time.
(7) during leisure time / leisure activities?
( a – ne nado
(9) security FOR the kids
(10) kids LEFT on their own/ left to their own devices
(11) a – nado
(12) risk OF hurting themselves
(13) THE circumstances
(14) into?
(15) becomes
(16) more prone to … ?
(17) by contrast
(1 A child
(19) AT his leisure?
(20) does not
(21) such A child
(22) AT their leisure?
(23) thereby. Tol’ko juristy ispol’zujut “hereby”: I hereby declare…

Games can be extremely educational, including computer games. Sports can teach teamwork and make you more competitive. Camping and other outdoor activities can be fun but also harden you up and make you more inventive etc… Even fights are not always without a lesson to learn, about justice for instance and standing up for what is right.

[Jedd x]

Lavrentiy, спасибо.
мда, пропасть ошибок, а экзамен меньше чем через месяц.
Про компьютеры вообще забыл, а ведь собирался писать.

[Lavrentiy]

Lavrentiy, спасибо.
мда, пропасть ошибок, а экзамен меньше чем через месяц.
Про компьютеры вообще забыл, а ведь собирался писать.

Udachi! Budet vysokij ball, ja uveren.

[Alexander Usov]

Ja by esche dobavil access to the Internet, good libraries, well-qualified tutors/teachers, small classes (po chislu studentov), ability to choose your subjects, freedom to experiment and make mistakes and learn from them, freedom from the fear of army conscription (for the lads) and … a decent night club!!!

Where shall I send the bill? lol[/QUOTE]

Спасибо за проверку. Хорошие идеи!

[Alexander Usov]

Пожалуйста покритикуйте эссе. На какой бал оно могло бы потянуть? Спасибо за помощь!

The idea of going overseas for university study is an exciting prospect for many people. But while it may offer some advantages, it is probably better to stay home because of the difficulties a student inevitably encounters living and studying in a different culture. To what extent do you agree or disagree this statement? Give reasons for your answer.

Today many young people have great opportunity to get education abroad. Many parents believe that gaining new knowledge and experience overseas is much better than in own country. However other parents are sure that a newcomer faces many difficulties and challenges. In this essay I will analyze arguments for and against of studying in other country.

There is no doubt that students have many benefits during their education abroad. Let’s take for example the fact that any student must to learn a foreign language in order to communicate with students, teachers and other people. Proficiency in a foreign language allows to make new friends all over the world or for instance make a career in an international company in the future. Another important aspect of this is that young people learn new culture through customs and traditions of a country where they live and learn. As a result, a one develops global thinking and better understanding other people. Thus, it is clear why people gravitate towards first point of view.

On the other hand, there are many disadvantages while a student lives in a foreign country. One of the most obvious minuses of this is absence of parents, relatives and old friends. Consequently, a student feels homesick and loneliness abroad. Another important issue is that a student have to pay for accommodation whether he or she lives with a family or in a campus. So amount of money which parents have to pay for their children’s education is much bigger than it would be in their native country. After analyzing these facts, it is clear why many support the second point of view.

Taking into account all mentioned above I incline to believe that a student has more advantage than disadvantage in a foreign country but parent have to help their children there.