My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Deniszb]

Здраствуйте,

Не могли бы вы глянуть мой первый блин?

As For elderly, living in caring house is better that living at home with young children. Present your argument to illustrate whether you agree or disagree.

From my point of view the elders should live together with their descendants rather than being at the devoted place where they will be looked after by staff.

It’s believed that an old person couldn’t be provided with necessary medical assistance and care in his own extended family, and only certified professionals should be responsible for such tasks. Special centers also offer many additional facilities, besides just a medical care, like different sport activities, socializing with inmates and even fests. However the main advantage of such organizations is a professional medical staff with appropriate equipment.

It seems that caring centers hold the cards in the meaning of the their abilities to ease the elder’s existence, but in my opinion they treat their patients like resources, I mean that the elders in their own (or their children’s) home can feel that they are really part of the society, that they can influence their grand children developing – I’m sure then you are over the hill it makes you stronger both mentally and physically. The mundane routines make your life more sustainable as it has been proved by English scientists.

So despite the fact the professional centers for older people have pretty strong advantages such as medical simple things and so on, being with their descendants at their own place, participating the typical daily life, growing up their grandchildren (and even great grand) are better for the elders. That’s what I would choose if I were an old man and had an opportunity for choosing.

[Alexander Usov]

My essay:

Every country has poor people and every country has different ways to dealing with the poor. What are some reasons for world poverty. What can we do to help the poor.

I think that the question about causes of world poverty is very serious and open for debate. Today there are a lot of poor people all over the world and they suffer from famine and diseases. In this essay I will analyze reasons of poverty in different countries and suggest the ways how to overcome this issue.

To begin with, I would like to say about the reasons of world poverty. There is no doubt that one of the main reasons of it is overpopulation. Take for example the fact that China had a lot of families with number of children more than seven in 60s. It is obvious that this fact led the country to poverty and lack of food. Another very important aspect of it is wars and arm conflicts. I have recently read an article in a magazine about the poor in Africa. According to the recent statistic report more than 25000 people die daily as a result of malnutrition. It is obvious that armed conflicts in Africa is the main reason of poverty and starvation.

However, what can people do in order to deal with this complex problem. First of all, it depends on the causes of poverty. For instance, if a country face the problem of overpopulation a government has to develop socials programs. Take for example the China, where in 60s the government developed a special program so called “one child per family policy”. As a result these days this country has overcome poverty and prospered. Another very power means is education. It is clear that a well educated person have more opportunities to earn money and finally he or she will avoid the issue of poverty.

Taking into account all mentioned above I am inclined to believe that a government is responsible for people’s well-being. A government have to make decisions in advance in order to population are never trapped in poverty.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Здраствуйте,

Не могли бы вы глянуть мой первый блин?

As For elderly, living in caring house is better that living at home with young children. Present your argument to illustrate whether you agree or disagree.

From my point of view the elders should live together with their descendants rather than being at the devoted place where they will be looked after by staff.

А где Introduction?

It’s believed that an old person couldn’t be provided with necessary medical assistance and care in his own extended family, and only certified professionals should be responsible for such tasks. Special (or specialised?) centers also offer many additional facilities, besides just a medical care, like different sport activities, socializing with inmates ('inmates' live in prisons!) and even fests (?). However the main advantage of such organizations is a professional medical staff with appropriate equipment.

И т.д.
В принципе, совсем неплохо, если еще добавить соответствующее Introduction.
Есть неправильное употребление слов, иногда путаете formal vs. informal (e.g. your 'pretty' is ver informal, а descendants - переигрывание, не подходит к контексту)

Есть и другие ошибки, но все они - мелочь по сравниению с проблемой Introduction. Надеюсь, что другие помогут разобраться ошибками.

Общее впечатление - весьма положительное. (но: Introduction!)

[Lavrentiy]

Я, конечно, дико извиняюсь...но не могу больше сдерживать свой душевный порыв выразить бурное восхищение Лаврентием!
Отец родной и учитель!))))) Большущий респект вам и сто тысяч раз "СПАСИБО"!!!
...я тут подпольно вместе с вами эссе проверяю, панимаишь...)))) так сегодня в двух нашла ровно столько же ошибок!!! Это ли не прогресс,а?!!!
Еще раз спасибо, друх!!!!!!

Дита и Natalya_ielts, вы так добры! пасиба... давно так не хвалили.

Я стараюсь только править язык: артикли, более точные слова, но не переписываю целые предложения чтобы эссе осталось "авторским", а не моим.

Моё небольшое хобби в обеденный перерыв, хотя у самого проблемы с английским: до сих пор путаю crush/crash, forthwith/henceforth и артикли, конечно. Извиняюсь, что не всегда могу сразу ответить - много дел! busy as a bee...

Побед!

[Jannaiska]

Здравствуйте, проверьте пожалуйста мое эссе!

Learning from experience is better than learning from a book.
There are two points of view about the different ways of obtaining knowledge. Some people study at the universities many years because they think that the only way to gain knowledge is learning from a book. In contrast another people assume that learning from their experience is a more beneficial way . From my point of view people can be learned more efficiently only from facing issues and problems and handling them. Therefore learning from experience is better than learning from a book.
Essentially, there is an overall opinion that everyone has to read some books in order to be successful . However learning from experience is more productive method of studying for many reasons. First, only solving real problems a person can be learned. For example, some of issues I face in my work I had never learned in the books which I read. Second, some skills can be learned only from experience. For instance I can never know how to ride bicycle if I don’t try riding. Also I can never swim if I just read some books about swimming. Third, the best way to memorize something is the way of experiencing it. I work in Information technology sphere and when I needed to get certificate I practiced two methods of preparation for the exam . This experience helped me to understand that only by implementing tasks I can do my best.
In conclusion, learning from experience has more advantages than learning from some literatures because of a large number of reasons. Although we don’t have to reject reading some books as this approach can give us useful information, the best way of learning is from gaining experience.

[Shtuchka]

Проверьте пожалуйста письмо.

You see an advertisement in the local news paper that a restaurant wants someone to be a part-time waiter or waitress in the evening. Write a letter to the manager. In your letter, you should write why you are writing, why you are suitable for the job and why you need the job.

Dear Sir/Madam

My name is Jane Smith and I am writing to you in connection with the advertisement in newspaper “Moscow Star”. In order with vacancy of waitress in your article, I want to offer my candidature.

I study in the university and I visit my lessons twice a week, consequently in the other time I free. Therefore I made a decision to find a job and your vacancy is very suitable for me. In addition< I have an experience in restaurant’s business, than I had worked an administrator in caf&#233; “Paris” an year ago. Furthermore, I am a development person and I know how to support conversation with clients.

I really need this job, because I want to provide myself. Besides, I hope this activity will satisfy me and my service will useful for your organization.
Thank you for your time. I am looking forward to your decision.

Yours Faithfully.
Jane Smith.

[Lavrentiy]

My essay:

.

Every country has poor people and every country has different ways to dealing with the poor. What are some reasons for world poverty. What can we do to help the poor.

I think that the question about causes of world poverty is very serious and open (1) for debate. Today there are a lot of poor people all over the world and they suffer from famine and diseases. In this essay I will analyze reasons (2) of poverty in different countries and suggest (3) the ways how to overcome this issue.

To begin with, I would like to say about (3) the reasons of world poverty. There is no doubt that one of the main reasons of it is overpopulation. Take for example the fact that China had a lot of families with (4) number of children more than seven in (5) 60s. It is obvious that this fact led the country to poverty and (6) lack of food. Another very important aspect of it is wars and arm conflicts. I have recently read an article in a magazine about the poor in Africa. According to the recent statistic report more than 25000 people die (7) daily as a result of malnutrition. It is obvious that armed conflicts in Africa ( is the main reason of poverty and starvation.

However, what can people do (9) in order to deal with this complex problem (10) . First of all, it depends on the causes of poverty. For instance, if a country (11) face the problem of overpopulation (12) a government has to develop socials programs. Take for example (13) the China, where in 60s the government developed a special (14) program (15) so called “one child per family policy”. As a result these days this country has overcome poverty and prospered. Another very power means is education. It is clear that a well educated person (16) have more opportunities to earn money and finally he or she will avoid the issue of poverty.

Taking into account (17) all mentioned above I am inclined to believe that (1 a government is responsible for people’s well-being. (19) A government (20) have to make decisions in advance in order to (21) population are never trapped in poverty.

(1) “open TO debate” ili “a matter FOR debate”
(2) reasons FOR poverty – luchshe?
(3) nuzhen il opredelennyj artikl’? razve chitatel’ uzhe znakom s putjamu reshenija problemy?
(4) the
(5) “the sixties” – luchshe?
(6) a lack
(7) “every day” zdes’ lusche chem “daily”. “Daily”, ezhednevno, podrazumevaet povsednevnujy banal’nost’ kak, napriner “daily newspaper” – v etom net nichego shokirujuschego. Chtoby podcherknut’ chto tysjaci umirajut s goloda “kazhdyj den’” lusche skazat’ “every day” – imho.
( are
(9) to solve this complex problem – luchshe?
(10) znak voprosa “?”
(11) faces
(12) THE government
(13) the – ne nado. The vozmozhno pered the Yemen, the Sudan, the Ukraine, the Crimea. No ukraincy obizhajutsja, kogda pro Ukrainu govorjat s articlem, t.k. s “the” podrazumevaetsja region, a ne strana. A Ukraina teper’ strana!
(14) programme – non-american spelling
(15) zapjataja posle programme + “THE so called…”
(16) has – dlja vashego urovnja eto grubaja oshibka
(17) everything vmesto all – lucshe?
(1 ja by predpochel zdes’ “the”
(19) The!
(20) has – vas chto zaklinilo? cf.(16)
(21) polse “to” zdes’ nuzhen glagol. “to ensure that the population…”(?)

Parochka serjeznyh kljaks, no v tselom neploho. Vpechatljaet: “Another very power means is education.”

You’re doing well!

[Lavrentiy]

А почему: "To prove" и "To authenticate" не подходят сюда?

micle, oba glagola perehodnye, t.e. ne mogut upotrebljatsja sami po sebe.

A verb that takes a direct object is transitive. Contrast with intransitive verb.

[Lavrentiy]

Здравствуйте, проверьте пожалуйста мое эссе!

.

Learning from experience is better than learning from a book.
There are two points of view about the different ways of obtaining knowledge. Some people study at (1) the universities many years because they think that the only way to gain knowledge is learning from a book. In contrast (2) another people assume that learning from their experience (3) is a more beneficial way . From my point of view people can (4) be learned more efficiently only from facing issues and problems and handling them. Therefore learning from experience is better than learning from a book.
Essentially, there is an overall opinion that everyone has to read (5) some books in order to be successful . However learning from experience is (6) more productive method of studying for many reasons. First, only (7) solving real problems a person can ( be learned. For example, some of (9) issues I face in my work I had never learned (10) in the books which I read. Second, some skills can be learned only from experience. For instance I can never know how to ride (11) bicycle (12) if I don’t try riding. Also I (13) can never swim if I just read some books about swimming. Third, the best way to memorize something (14) is the way of experiencing it. I work in Information technology (15) sphere and when I needed to get (16) certificate I practiced two methods (17) of preparation for the exam . This experience helped me to understand that only by implementing tasks I can do my best.
In conclusion, learning from experience has more advantages than learning (1 from some literatures because of (19) a large number of reasons. Although we don’t have to (20) reject reading (1 some books as this approach can give us useful information, the best way of learning is from gaining experience.

(1) the – ne nado
(2) other people
(3) is more beneficial?
(4) can learn
(5) “some books”?
(6) a
(7) by
( smotri (4)
(9) the
(10) from books. + Poriadok slov. “I … learned … issues …” Snachala podlezhaschee, potom skazuemoe. Vy zhe ne po-russki pishite, gde okonchanija delajut porjadok slov nenuzhnym. V anglijskom pochti net morfologii, poetomu strogij porjadok slov v predlozhenii ochen’ vazhen dlja smysla. + neuveren na schet vremen v etom predlozhenii (had/did/has).
(11) a
(12) unless I try it – luchshe?
(13) could
(14) is by experiencing it – luchshe?
(15) sphere – ne nado – eto “false friend”
(16) the – zdes’
(17) of preparation – ne nado
(1 from literature. Zachem vy vsjudu stavite “some” pered knigami ili literaturoj? Nulevoj artikl’ podrazumevaet “some”.
(19) the – t.k. vy ix perechislili above.
(20) stop reading books?

U vas est’ oshibki, kotorye voshli v privychku. Budet ne legko pereuchivat’sja. Udachi!

[Jannaiska]

(1) the – ne nado
(2) other people
(3) is more beneficial?
(4) can learn
(5) “some books”?
(6) a
(7) by
( smotri (4)
(9) the
(10) from books. + Poriadok slov. “I … learned … issues …” Snachala podlezhaschee, potom skazuemoe. Vy zhe ne po-russki pishite, gde okonchanija delajut porjadok slov nenuzhnym. V anglijskom pochti net morfologii, poetomu strogij porjadok slov v predlozhenii ochen’ vazhen dlja smysla. + neuveren na schet vremen v etom predlozhenii (had/did/has).
(11) a
(12) unless I try it – luchshe?
(13) could
(14) is by experiencing it – luchshe?
(15) sphere – ne nado – eto “false friend”
(16) the – zdes’
(17) of preparation – ne nado
(1 from literature. Zachem vy vsjudu stavite “some” pered knigami ili literaturoj? Nulevoj artikl’ podrazumevaet “some”.
(19) the – t.k. vy ix perechislili above.
(20) stop reading books?

U vas est’ oshibki, kotorye voshli v privychku. Budet ne legko pereuchivat’sja. Udachi!

da na samom dele eti oshibki navernoe voshli v privichku, ot kotoroi nado izbavitsya, no nichego nerealnogo net budem izbavlyatsya ot nih.
Spasibo bolshoe, Lavrentiy za takuu tshatelnuu proverku!

[Alexander Usov]

To Lavrentiy. You are the best! Thank you very much for your help. I appreciate your advice and kind attitude. Thanks a lot.

[Jannaiska]

Проверьте пожалуйста еще одно мое эссе

Compare and contrast the advantages of city living and country living. Defend your preference.


Nowadays majority of people prefer living in a city. Also this is the well known fact that there are more people in cities than in countries. However, both city living and country living have their benefits.
Those who like living in the city believe that it has a large number of advantages. First, the big offer of the options for spending free time. For instance people can visit various museums, cinemas, and libraries. Second, there are a lot of working places in the city. The biggest companies are located in the cities. Therefore, it is easier for people to find suitable job in a city. Also, people have more variants in choosing career. Third, you can buy whatever you need if you live in a city. In opposite, persons who live in a country , don’t have wide choice of shops. Also people are able to use different kinds of services. For example a laundry, a car wash, a beauty salon. In the contrast, there is no any variety of services in a village.
Other people, who live in countries, argue that there are more advantages of living in villages than in cities. First, it is easy to get from one place to another. Because the distances in countries are not as long as in towns. As a result, the commuting to the work is not a problem. Second, people, living in a village, feel themselves in safety. The crime rate in a country is lower than in a city. Third, people, living in a village are more friendly. For example, my cousin lives in a small village for three years. She claims that she has a lot of friends there. Therefore she doesn’t consider about moving to the city.
In conclusion, personally, I experienced both living in the small country, where I was born, and living in the big city, where I live now. In my opinion, life in a country is quite and slowly. Therefore, it is more suitable for children and old people. I prefer living in a big city, where I can have a large number of opportunities.

[Deniszb]

Всем привет,

Ещё одна попытка:
Everyone complains about taxes, yet think about what would happen if there were no longer an income tax. In a 250-word essay discuss the effects of an income tax, the negative effects or both.
Since humanity separated itself from the wild nature it has been building a complex social structure. There were plenty of different societies with either simple or sophisticated hierarchy, they rose and fell, they could be based on slavery, serfdom or emancipation, but all of them share at least one common thing – taxes. Taxes are believed are the one of the primary pillars of any society. Merely the state and either a single person or a community has a contract according to that their rights will be restricted plus they have to pay kind of contribution to the state’s representatives in order to be secured with the rule of law (it can be also “divine rule” of a monarch or religious code of law) and to be provided with other benefits.

At first sight it seems that taxes are unnecessary pressure on the local economy, besides it causes a demand for qualified accountants and feeding the “grey” economy and criminals (since many people desire to get rid of annoying payments). Without such bureaucracy the local industry can be more competitive. And we would forget about financial frauds for sure.
However by straining at a gnat we can swallow a camel. An income tax is a significant source for the state’s revenue for the state which is used to fund such projects as army, science and education, police and other vital social programs. And these programs are affordable neither for a single person/family/tribe nor even for a wealthy community.


Despite the developing level of civilization taxes are still major stone in the “public contract” basement. Modern society can hardly be imagined without taxes. So from my point of view even if the taxes might be a heavy pressure on a tax payer they do cost their price.

[dazik]

To Lavrentiy. You are the best! Thank you very much for your help. I appreciate your advices and kind attitude. Thanks a lot.

Inspite of the fact that it was to Lavreniy, let me drop a remark.
As far as I know, advice is uncountable noun. We were studied to use " pieses of advice" in this case. For instance,you gave me many pieces of advice.
Whether is it possible to use 'advices' here?
It just grates upon my ears.
But I've found a lot of "advices" in Google. So. I'm counfused.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

As far as I know, advice is uncountable noun. We were studied to use " pieses of advice" in this case. For instance,you gave me many pieces of advice.
Whether is it possible to use 'advices' here?
It just grates upon my ears.
But I've found a lot of "advices" in Google. So. I'm counfused.

You are absolutely right! 'Advice' is uncountable and can't be used in a plural form. So, if there's a need for plural, then it's 'pieces of advice' or sometimes 'clues' or 'hints' (both informal) or very informal 'pointers' are possilbe. You can also re-phrase your sentence and use 'recommend/recommendations' or 'suggest/suggestions', etc.

However, you wrote "We were studied to use ". This is not correct. You can't use 'study' in the Passive form. It has to be 'we were told' or 'we were taught'. 'Study' and 'learn' are used in Active forms.