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Alexizzz & Isabella,благодарю за разбор моего эссе 
Я через месяц сдаю IELTS, и вот, разбираюсь, что нужно подтянуть.
У меня, похоже, серьезные проблемы с креативностью - пока соображу, что писать, проходит уйма времени
Наверное, надо писать чаще.
Покритикуйте, пожалуйста, еще одно эссе
Nowdays, people when reaching the officially stated retirement age limit are forced to stop working and leave a company which they have been employed by. However, most of the individuals may not be satisfied with such a situation and were they given an opportunity to choose between retirement and continuous working activity they would prefer the latter. As for me, I strongly support the opinion that people should have a free will when making such significant and influencing their future life decisions as a pension leave. To support my view, I will provide the main arguments in the paragraphs followed below.
First of all, it should be understood that as time passes the active life period of human beings extends, which allows them to stay in the workplaces and operate efficiently even when they reach 60 or 65 years old.
Also, employees who have worked in the same industry or sphere for considerable time generally obtain profound knowledge, as well as gain a lot of experience in the field they are working in, which makes them extremely valuable for the company. Therefore, both employees and employers can benefit from the prolongated cooperation.
The life of the aged after retirement is another issue adding to the supportive point of view. It is widely known that due to the imperfection of social systems in some countries, which cannot provide their senior members with adequate benefits, most of the aged on pension who do not have any relatives are forced to live the rest of their lives in misery.
The opposite opinion is often based on a perception that people aging lose their ability for flexible thinking and, what is more crucial, tend to deny any innovations being stack to their old concepts and habits. To some extent this can be an issue, however, we should not forget that wise business owners make even these qualities work for them by means of combining strong fundamental experience of their senior members with creativity and active energy of their freshmen.
To sum up everything said above I would like to emphasize once more that such issues as retirement age standards should not be implemented by force, but decided by free will of elderly people who definitely earned that right.
Я через месяц сдаю IELTS, и вот, разбираюсь, что нужно подтянуть.
У меня, похоже, серьезные проблемы с креативностью - пока соображу, что писать, проходит уйма времени
Наверное, надо писать чаще.Покритикуйте, пожалуйста, еще одно эссе
People should be allowed to continue to work for as long as they want to, and not be forced to retire at a particular age such as 60 or 65. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowdays, people when reaching the officially stated retirement age limit are forced to stop working and leave a company which they have been employed by. However, most of the individuals may not be satisfied with such a situation and were they given an opportunity to choose between retirement and continuous working activity they would prefer the latter. As for me, I strongly support the opinion that people should have a free will when making such significant and influencing their future life decisions as a pension leave. To support my view, I will provide the main arguments in the paragraphs followed below.
First of all, it should be understood that as time passes the active life period of human beings extends, which allows them to stay in the workplaces and operate efficiently even when they reach 60 or 65 years old.
Also, employees who have worked in the same industry or sphere for considerable time generally obtain profound knowledge, as well as gain a lot of experience in the field they are working in, which makes them extremely valuable for the company. Therefore, both employees and employers can benefit from the prolongated cooperation.
The life of the aged after retirement is another issue adding to the supportive point of view. It is widely known that due to the imperfection of social systems in some countries, which cannot provide their senior members with adequate benefits, most of the aged on pension who do not have any relatives are forced to live the rest of their lives in misery.
The opposite opinion is often based on a perception that people aging lose their ability for flexible thinking and, what is more crucial, tend to deny any innovations being stack to their old concepts and habits. To some extent this can be an issue, however, we should not forget that wise business owners make even these qualities work for them by means of combining strong fundamental experience of their senior members with creativity and active energy of their freshmen.
To sum up everything said above I would like to emphasize once more that such issues as retirement age standards should not be implemented by force, but decided by free will of elderly people who definitely earned that right.
People
). много не английских конструкций. плюс - все таки структура ессе есть, надо поработать над смыслом и граматтикой (употребление времен!) . Удачи. 
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