My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

А можно вашу оценку моему эссе? )

Вы уверены, что Вы хотите мой комментарий?

Дело в том, что оценка моя будет очень низкой, так как Вы не ответили на тему эссе. Вас справшивают о communication between family members, а Вы - о детях. А они лишь только могут быть упомянуты в качестве примера.

Это для 'затравки'.

[ItGirl]

Вы уверены, что Вы хотите мой комментарий?

Дело в том, что оценка моя будет очень низкой, так как Вы не ответили на тему эссе. Вас справшивают о communication between family members, а Вы - о детях. А они лишь только могут быть упомянуты в качестве примера.

Это для 'затравки'.

Хм..ну я расписала вроде в первом абзаце про детей, во втором - родня. Я вообще старалась придерживаться родные, родители, дети, братья.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Хм..ну я расписала вроде в первом абзаце про детей, во втором - родня. Я вообще старалась придерживаться родные, родители, дети, братья.

Kak хотите. Не соглашаться со мной - это Ваше право.

[ItGirl]

Kak хотите. Не соглашаться со мной - это Ваше право.

А можно узнать Ваш пример? как бы Вы написали, о ком?

[Maimiti_Isabella]

А можно узнать Ваш пример? как бы Вы написали, о ком?

Over the years families have undergone significant changes and what was once a tight unit where all members were in constant close contact with each other has changed to a collection of several people sharing the same living space. The notion of an extended family has virtually disappeared in the Western culture. Communication between family members is often limited to a few words over the dinner. There are several reasons for this unfortunate situation.

Это пример Introduction.

[ItGirl]

Over the years families have undergone significant changes and what was once a tight unit where all members were in constant close contact with each other has changed to a collection of several people sharing the same living space. The notion of an extended family has virtually disappeared in the Western culture. Communication between family members is often limited to a few words over the dinner. There are several reasons for this unfortunate situation.

Это пример Introduction.

Короче, я не поняла саму суть вопроса (( ех...

[ziyoda]

Люди, выкладываю свой "позор". Расскажите, что с моим инглишем?

Тема: Today less communication between family members than it was the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Эссе:
In the modern world the value of the word “family” is different. It seems like children don’t keep in touch with their parents as much as they used to do. However, many other people live together happily and do not know how to miss each other. In this essay I will examine some reasons for the lack of time or wish to visit the relatives.

First of all, the modern teenagers became very independent. At age of 18 years old they move out from their parents and start their own life. They find the new friends, new hobbies and their life changes at all. That is why young people don’t have much time to visit their parents or even give them a call.

Another point is that people have more opportunities to travel around the world today. We can go to study abroad for long time or migrate to the different countries. It takes years to come back home, so we do not see our relatives often.

A third point is that we live in the material world. We would like to earn as much money as we can. We forget about our parents, brothers and children and turn the offices into our homes. It is common that people work six days a week, so there is only one day to have a rest. And this day they prefer not to share with some one else.

I agree that sometimes we forget to call our parents and visit our relatives because of lack of time. However, many years ago people did not have any chances which we have today to make our life happier and brighter. There is a need to see the world, earn all money and become independent person nowadays. We just want to take all opportunities from our lives.

Essay horoshiy i ochen daje ponyatniy t.e egzamenator ne poteretsa v nem. No vam nujno potabotat so strukturoy ya dumayu i v konce u vas net As a result ili To conclude i dalshe mojite dat opinion a eshe mojno dat for exaple tolko ne mnogo. a voopshem essey ochen daje nichego

[ItGirl]

Второе эссе Прошу к столу...в смысле к эссе ))

Nowadays distance-learning program is becoming more and more popular such as studying at home via the Internet and television. Do you think it's better than the traditional way of education such as attending a college?

Essay

For the last five years more and more people have been studying on the Internet or television. Despite the fact that some people still prefer the traditional system of education by taking classes inside of schools and universities, every day more people take a decision to get the knowledge at their homes in front of their blue screens and computers. In this essay I will discuss why distance-learning programs are becoming so popular today.

First of all, the new system of education is much cheaper. Sometimes it costs you several hundred dollars per one semester, but if you decide to take you classes at university, you should be ready to pay much more. For instance, one of famous Australian university has a program which will cost you seven thousand dollars per year; however, if you take the same courses online, you will pay only two thousand dollars. The knowledge you receive is still the same, but the price is different.

Secondly, the benefit of distance-learning is accessibility. Students do not need to go to libraries and search for a rare book anymore, they only need to pay for the Internet access and download any book online. It safes their time and give more opportunities to study well. Moreover, now students have a chance to graduate the prestige university even they live in such far countries as Namibia or Colombia.

A third point is a free time. Usually students have their classes from 9 a.m till 3 p.m. When you study online or via television, there is a chance to manage your time properly. A friend of mine takes some online courses and says that it gave her a chance to have a full time job. She does not lose her time for taking classes at school that is why she succeeds in many parts of life such as work, home and education.

In conclusion, I think the distance learning becomes more and more popular in the modern world. It saves our time and money. Now anyone of us has a chance to receive a diploma, and there is no need to pay thousand and thousand of dollars for the knowledge.
\

[ziyoda]

Второе эссе Прошу к столу...в смысле к эссе ))

Nowadays distance-learning program is becoming more and more popular such as studying at home via the Internet and television. Do you think it's better than the traditional way of education such as attending a college?

Essay

For the last five years more and more people have been studying on the Internet or television. Despite the fact that some people still prefer the traditional system of education by taking classes inside of schools and universities, every day more people take a decision to get the knowledge at their homes in front of their blue screens and computers. In this essay I will discuss why distance-learning programs are becoming so popular today.

First of all, the new system of education is much cheaper. Sometimes it costs you several hundred dollars per one semester, but if you decide to take you classes at university, you should be ready to pay much more. For instance, one of famous Australian university has a program which will cost you seven thousand dollars per year; however, if you take the same courses online, you will pay only two thousand dollars. The knowledge you receive is still the same, but the price is different.

Secondly, the benefit of distance-learning is accessibility. Students do not need to go to libraries and search for a rare book anymore, they only need to pay for the Internet access and download any book online. It safes their time and give more opportunities to study well. Moreover, now students have a chance to graduate the prestige university even they live in such far countries as Namibia or Colombia.

A third point is a free time. Usually students have their classes from 9 a.m till 3 p.m. When you study online or via television, there is a chance to manage your time properly. A friend of mine takes some online courses and says that it gave her a chance to have a full time job. She does not lose her time for taking classes at school that is why she succeeds in many parts of life such as work, home and education.

In conclusion, I think the distance learning becomes more and more popular in the modern world. It saves our time and money. Now anyone of us has a chance to receive a diploma, and there is no need to pay thousand and thousand of dollars for the knowledge.
\

Essay ochen ochen ponyatni!!! 7.00 tochno poluchete a nego a mojet i bolshe. Lichno mne bilo ne k chemu pridratsa.

[ziyoda]

Proverte i prokreticuyte pojalusto komu ne trudno.

Education is recognised vital to the future of any siciety to todays world. Goverments throughout the world should make education compu;sory for all children betwen the ages 5 and 15.

Geverments understand that basic education creates national respect and provides basic for healthy population. There are many debates in all over the world about education. I will try to discuss this statement and in conclusion I will give my personal opinion.

For the first, education betwen ages 5 to 15 is the important period of time for making an intelligent person and one of the essential target on our modern life. For example, we go to kindergarten, study at school and then an university. Moreover, we spent a lot of time for our intellectual and physical development. Therefore we think that if our children will be taught, they find their way in toward life.

Second of all, goverments should give good condition for all schools. Unfortunatly, not all schools have a good condition. Also, school's gives to children very important knowledges like reading, writing,and counting. In addition, when children at school they all the time in society that is why they are becoming more talkative, sensible and clever.

Third of all, there are a lot of families where children have a bad enviroenment and they cannot go to school because of some families problems and goverments should control such as that situation. The realty is that, nowdays children can be tempted like drug abuse, smoking, drinking and etc. Perhaps if children frome age from 5 to 15 spend more time for learning it might be better for our next generation.

To sum up, evreybody born to this world in equal and evreyone should have a chance to take a basic education. As a result, I totally agree with this statement and I think children do not know what they really want that is why goverments and adults must give general education for theire future choice.


Zaranee vsem spasibo.

[Maratt]

вопрос Belochke
Ну ничего так у ВАс результат по IELTS. Может в какой -нибудь ветке расскажите как так можно.

[VOlya]

Цитата:On the one hand, the most obvious way being healthy is doing some sport.

Артикль перед one не нужен.

ЭЭЭ почему???

[serge-frog]

and in conclusion I will give my personal opinion.

in theconclusion

[ItGirl]

Proverte i prokreticuyte pojalusto komu ne trudno.

Education is recognised vital to the future of any siciety to todays world. Goverments throughout the world should make education compu;sory for all children betwen the ages 5 and 15.

Geverments understand that basic education creates national respect and provides basic for healthy population. There are many debates in all over the world about education. I will try to discuss this statement and in conclusion I will give my personal opinion.

For the first, education betwen ages 5 to 15 is the important period of time for making an intelligent person and one of the essential target on our modern life. For example, we go to kindergarten, study at school and then an university. Moreover, we spent a lot of time for our intellectual and physical development. Therefore we think that if our children will be taught, they find their way in toward life.

Second of all, goverments should give good condition for all schools. Unfortunatly, not all schools have a good condition. Also, school's gives to children very important knowledges like reading, writing,and counting. In addition, when children at school they all the time in society that is why they are becoming more talkative, sensible and clever.

Third of all, there are a lot of families where children have a bad enviroenment and they cannot go to school because of some families problems and goverments should control such as that situation. The realty is that, nowdays children can be tempted like drug abuse, smoking, drinking and etc. Perhaps if children frome age from 5 to 15 spend more time for learning it might be better for our next generation.

To sum up, evreybody born to this world in equal and evreyone should have a chance to take a basic education. As a result, I totally agree with this statement and I think children do not know what they really want that is why goverments and adults must give general education for theire future choice.


Zaranee vsem spasibo.

Много очепяток и я бы посоветовала писать цифры прописью, где-то говорилось, что это плюс.

[kyp]

in theconclusion

артикль не нужен! Но вообще в том контексте как оно употребляется у автора должно быть as a conclusion