My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Alexizzz]

Покритикуйте эссе пожалуйста:

Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is widely believed that TV is dangerous because it can destroy family life and a sense of community. In my opinion, it happens because people can lose a perception of reality watching TV.

Before TV was invented many people used to have meeting together and, for example, discuss news and gossips. Nowadays they can do it using phone or the Internet. Nevertheless, many people spend their leisure time at home watching TV.

In my country, it is rarely when a couple watches TV together and discusses than their emotions. In my opinion, the main reason of this could be that people have different tastes and TV-makers are trying to satisfy any of them.

On the other hand, it seems to me as a global trend in human’s relationships that the feeling of solitude is becoming now more spread. People nowadays are obtaining a growing tendency of being independent.

Personally speaking, it seems to me that many people are brain-washed by TV these days. TV could be useful for some purposes as education but unfortunately it is mainly used to develop consumption instincts in its audience. Advertisings on TV could be dangerous for children and often use sex to make people buy goods. In my country whole programs and serials are used as hidden advertisement.

In conclusion, it is my belief that TV can be dangerous for human relations, especially in concern to children. In my opinion, parents should develop a resistance to TV in their children by spending more time with them and doing outdoor activities as an example.

[Ulduz]

Покритикуйте эссе пожалуйста:

Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is widely believed that TV is dangerous because it can destroy family life and a sense of community. In my opinion, it happens because people can lose a perception of reality watching TV.

Before TV was invented many people used to have meeting together and, for example, discuss news and gossips. Nowadays they can do it using phone or the Internet. Nevertheless, many people spend their leisure time at home watching TV.

In my country, it is rare when a couple watches TV together and then discusses their emotions. In my opinion, the main reason of this could be that people have different tastes and TV-makers are trying to satisfy any of them.

On the other hand, it seems to me as a global trend in human’s relationships that the feeling of solitude is becoming now more spread. People nowadays are obtaining a growing tendency of being independent.

Personally speaking, it seems to me that many people are brain-washed by TV these days. TV could be useful for some purposes as education but unfortunately it is mainly used to develop consumption instincts in its audience. Advertisements or Advertising on TV could be dangerous for children and often use sex to make people buy goods. In my country whole programs and serials are used as hidden advertisement.

In conclusion, it is my belief that TV can be dangerous for human relations, especially in concern to children. In my opinion, parents should develop a resistance to TV in their children by spending more time with them and doing outdoor activities as an example.

Hello, Alexizzz!

Although your essay is rather good, I believe, you still have some space to improve. The introduction in this essay needs to be re-written. Your first sentence resembles very much the one in the essay topic. You have to re-phrase it, using synonyms. Something like this: " Television causes substantial anxiety by threatening harm to social life of the people living in the same locality and people's family life". In the second sentence you'd better explain what kind of threat TV constitutes.You can use a re-phrased version of the second sentence in the essay topic and add your own example. In the third sentence, you have to say clearly whether you agree or not with the opinion. Your "In my opinion, it happens because people can lose a perception of reality watching TV" is a vague indication of your opinion.

You do not have to use "in my opinion", because it is clear that you are expressing your opinion, not someone's else. Your paragraphing is a little strange, two sentences in the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs. Perhaps, you need to combine them?

I have corrected the most obvious of your mistakes. This essay is not as good as your previous one, was it difficult to generate ideas?

[Alexizzz]

Hello, Alexizzz!

Although your essay is rather good, I believe, you still have some space to improve. The introduction in this essay needs to be re-written. Your first sentence resembles very much the one in the essay topic. You have to re-phrase it, using synonyms. Something like this: " Television causes substantial anxiety by threatening harm to social life of the people living in the same locality and people's family life". In the second sentence you'd better explain what kind of threat TV constitutes.You can use a re-phrased version of the second sentence in the essay topic and add your own example. In the third sentence, you have to say clearly whether you agree or not with the opinion. Your "In my opinion, it happens because people can lose a perception of reality watching TV" is a vague indication of your opinion.

You do not have to use "in my opinion", because it is clear that you are expressing your opinion, not someone's else. Your paragraphing is a little strange, two sentences in the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs. Perhaps, you need to combine them?

I have corrected the most obvious of your mistakes. This essay is not as good as your previous one, was it difficult to generate ideas?

Hello, Ulduz!

Thanks a lot for your review! Actually I do have problems with generation of ideas probably because of lack of creativity.
Also you are right about the introduction. Your intro is the best, I should remember it.

[Ulduz]

Hello, Ulduz!

Thanks a lot for your review! Actually I do have problems with generation of ideas probably because of lack of creativity.
Also you are right about the introduction. Your intro is the best, I should remember it. Smile

My pleasure! To have more ideas, you could use Google to search for essays on the same topic you are going to write about. I am sure there will be plenty of essays already written on that subject. Some of them might be good, some not so good. All you need is to have a look at what other people think about a certain issue.

Another way to come up with more ideas is to ask a question: "What if not..". For ex, in this essay you could ask what if people did not watch TV, what would happen then? What would be different?

As to synonyms, you can go to the following website to look them up: www.thefreedictionary.com It is a really good one, I used it when I was preparing for IELTS.

Cheers!

[Yulia_N]

Всем добрый день ( утро, вечер). Вот еще одно мое творение. Пожалуйста, оцените, покритикуйте.

Why Do You Think People Are Attracted to Dangerous Sports or Other Dangerous Activities?

For many year people have been always attracted to sport and other activities. A lot of important things were invented to get more pleasure and to feel gooseflesh on the body. Adrenalin is an important process in a man’s body. It makes blood to run faster and to help enrich body with oxygen. Thus, I think, that is the reason why people prefer to watch or to take part in different dangerous events.

Firstly, some kinds of sport activities give opportunity to feel real fear for the life. When a person is afraid, his body emits a lot of adrenalin. One of the brightest examples of it is race competitions. Statistic says that, at list, ten people die every year during taking part in these events. At the same time, we notice that year by year the amount of participants of these sport activities increases greatly. Driving a car gives opportunity to feel fast speed and fear for the person’s life, and level of adrenalin increases much. Therefore, nobody can stop playing dangerous games.

Secondly, sometimes to see some dangerous events also helps people to feel pleasure. For instance, horror movies have become very popular since 90th. Moreover, almost every person in modern society has seen a film of horror once. Some, who has no opportunity to take part in sports or other competitions, prefer to watch such kind of movies sometimes. Adrenalin, which emits during a film, helps a person to relax from his or her problems and get useful energy to continuo work activities.

At the same time, a source of adrenalin is not only dangerous movies or sport events. A man can get it from the sexual intimacy, for example. But the greatest disadvantage of this is that it is a lot of difficulties to meet a suitable couple and to build relationship. So that, people try to find a source of adrenalin and a way to relax in other activities.

In total, dangerous sport and other events are ways to get an important source of energy, relaxing and getting pleasure. To my mind, dangerous things are necessary for human. It helps a person to feel fear and understand how life is important. To feel, how blood runs into the body, is also possible making physical activities or changing something in your life.

[Irina_ru]

Друзья! Еще один плод моего творчества.
Хотелось бы понять на сколько структурно правильно я раскрыла тему.
Ну и конечно же ошибки и правильные речевые обороты я с удовольствием намотаю на ус

World travel was revolutionized in the 20th Century to the extent that the world has
now become a global village. What factors will influence travel this century? Will
travel continue to grow or will it become less popular?

As is commonly understood, throughout last century traveling has become more popularity for people. This has been seen in all parts of our life. So it is the obvious fact. Thus, I suppose, this way of human’s activities will be more popular in the future. This statement will be shown by analyzing some arguments, which I give below.

First of all, main ability for the traveling was given by technological progress. Take an airplane, as the key factor. When we looking at this example of progress, there is no doubt that speed of traveling was grown significantly. This invention has helped to people realize their dreams. Thus, there is an obvious link between human’s wishes and technological progress.

Secondly, discovery different amazing places is very interesting hobby for majority people. For instance, when I had come firstly in Azia, I had full in love in this wonderful place in the World. Moreover, today I always think about this and I dream to go there more and more time every day. This example clearly shows, that traveling always will be attractive for many people. From this, it can be concluded, that one of the important reasons to grow travels is human’s interest to discover new interesting areas.

Following the analyzing the parts of this essay it is obvious that significant reason for traveling is interest to discover. Probably, this interest is mine moving power for the progress. On this case it is expected that traveling will be increasing polular in the future together with the progress.

Заранее большое спасибо!

[Dop2007]

Спасибо всем в этой теме! Во многом благодаря вашим советам я таки получил 7 за writing.
Отдельная благодарность товарищу alternative за отличный сборник хороших эссе, обороты и идеи из которых я использовал на экзамене.

[hippopotam]

Покритикуйте и оцените плиз.
Заранее всем огромное спасибо!

Когда задание набивал - увидел последние предложение - не обратил на него вначале внимания. Примеров из моей жизни нет - наверное плохо? Какие мысли если на экзамене так будет?

Some people believe that children activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time.

Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.


All kinds of children activities are very important for personal grow and social adaptation, consequently the ignorance of any aspect of children life in favor of education can lead to severe problems in their future. This essay will take into account the physical development, social maturity and ways of getting knowledge of young generation.

Physical activities such as playing in sport games and spending time outdoors are as important as the educational process, because these activities are critical for health. Truly, if someone has a pain or is getting sick too often, they will not be a successful person regardless whether they are highly educated or not. Moreover, the early a child begin investment into physical development the more profit they gain.

Those children who spend all time in books are highly risky to grow up into a unsocial person. Communicating with they peers children are gradually getting social experience as result they will be active participants of society when they will have grown up. Playing in team games can help them to acquire the leadership experience. Spending time with family give them patterns of family life for their future family.

Despite of many people believe that children who devote all leisure time will have got the maximum amount of knowledge for the adult life, it is not absolutely true. Such children try to catch all knowledge about all spheres of life, they do not get feedback about value of studied information and they can not find a difference between useful knowledge and information noise. To sum up, the amount of knowledge could be huge, but on the same time the percentage of the real world knowledge could be small.

The sacrifice of leisure time for educational activities can not bring any valuable profit for children when they will have grown, moreover it leads to the lack of non educational evolvement. Finally, it may cause physical, mental and social problem for future generation.

[Yulia_N]

Всем еще раз привет. Тренеруюсь дальше. На ваши отзывы кидаю еще одно эссе.

Discus Ways of Improving the Learning of Foreign Languages

People have been always learning foreign languages. To know one or other language gives opportunity to travel and see different places, to communicate to each other without difficulties, to go to business trips and to understand your business partners. 20th century is the century of increasing in international relations. So that, people invents various methodic how to improve learning a new language. If you have no ability to come to the country and contact with native speakers, I can suggest my own practice in learning an unknown language.

One way to be success in learning is listening and watching various podcast, broadcast, video translation and movies. The visible results appear after half-year practice. For example, when I have seen a new movie I tried to recognize words I had knew before and learned new. The first recommendation is to begin seeing movies or fairy-tails with subtitles. This option makes your memory work in visual and listening model. In fact, only these two types of actions make brain working better to remember knew information.

Reading, as another option, is essential to increase the level of understanding different phrases mix together. Linguists say, a student should remember a word only with sentence examples. When reading, a person usually meets a lot of words, which are understood together with a suitable clause, and, as the result, are used correctly in appropriate time. Therefore, reading is an important process to learning languages.

All things considered, there are many solutions how better to know a new language. Reading and listening are majors in education process, especially nowadays, when s lot of useful information are getting free from the Internet.

[lx]

Всем еще раз привет. Тренеруюсь дальше. На ваши отзывы кидаю еще одно эссе.

Discus Ways of Improving the Learning of Foreign Languages

People have been always learning (1) foreign languages. To know one or other (2) language gives (3) opportunity to travel and see different places, to communicate to each other without difficulties, to go to business trips and to understand your business partners. 20th century is the century of increasing (4) in international relations. So that, people invents (5) various methodic (6) how to improve learning (7) a new language. If you have no ability to come to the country and contact with native speakers, I can suggest my own practice in learning (7) an unknown language.

One way to be success ( in learning is listening and watching (9) various podcast, broadcast, video translation (10) and movies. The visible results appear after (11) half-year practice. For example, when I have (12) seen a new movie I tried to recognize words I had (12a) knew before and learned new. The first recommendation is to begin seeing (13) movies or fairy-tails (14) with subtitles. This option makes your memory work in (15) visual and listening model. In fact, only these two types of actions make brain working better to remember knew (16) information.

Reading, as another option, is essential to increase the level of understanding (17) different phrases mix (1 together. Linguists say, a student should remember a word only with sentence examples (19). When reading, a person usually meets(20) a lot of words, which are understood together with a suitable clause, and, as the result(21), are used correctly in appropriate time. Therefore, reading is an important process to (22) learning languages.

All things considered, there are many solutions how better(23) to know a new language. Reading and listening are majors in (24) education process, especially nowadays, when s lot of useful information are(25) getting free from the Internet.

Я только учусь, так что проверка скорее для учёбы. Не судите строго.


Черезчур много -ing!


1 - People always learn... (или без always: People have been learning... )
2 - The knowledge of one or another...
3 - an
4 - increase (?)
5 - invent
6 - methods
7 - of
8 - successful
9 - of/to (?)
10 - podcasts, broadcasts, video translations...
11 - a
12 - saw
12a- не надо. что-то Вы переусердствовали с перфектами.
13 - watching
14 - fairy-tales
15 - a/the (?)
16 - new
17 - of
18 - mixed
19 - example sentences
20 - When a person reads he usually meets...
21 - as a result
22 - in
23 - в конец предложения
24 - an
25 - is

[eskape]

Жду критики

Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


Television plays an important role in the modern world. It brings news, weather forecasts, interviews, and makes all whese in a much more interactive way than radio or newspapers do. However, it became too popular and I suppose that we should substitute the «popularity» with «addiction». In other words, people spend too much time in front of TVs, and this fact affects their family life, or even the sense of community.

Firstly, it can just ruin your family. The common answer like «no, honey, I would like to finish watching that movie» can drive your partner insane. She (or he) may start with TV-loathing and wihish with hating the watcher. When my friends have been divorcing, I asked thed about the reason. He answered that «she is too bossy» and she told me that «he loves his TV more than he loves me!»

Secondly, people become addicted to the endless information flow, without even realising that they do not need to know all these things. Newspapers reported about this new «information addiction» and compared it to drugs or alcohole one. While it cannot be 100 per cent proven that TV itself impacts watcher’s health, it is undoubtful that «beer, chair and football» is not a lifestyle which could be recommended by doctors.

Finally, while some people can object and say that watching TV together with your friends or partner is a good idea, this is not the case. Even if they sit in the same room, people are not dedicated to each other. Instead, they are dedicated to the ‘black box with blue screen». Moreover, it replaces important things and events discussions with silly chats about films and soap operas.

As a result, we have a very dangerous situation where TV sets dominate over families and relations. People do not want to communicate with relatives, they do not want to visit their friends, all they do is sitting in a chair and «just watching».

----
325 words, 39 minutes

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Жду критики

Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


Television plays an important role in the modern world. It brings news, weather forecasts, interviews, and makes all whese in a much more interactive way than radio or newspapers do. However, it became too popular and I suppose that we should substitute the «popularity» with «addiction». In other words, people spend too much time in front of TVs, and this fact affects their family life, or even the sense of community.

Firstly, it can just ruin your family. The common answer like «no, honey, I would like to finish watching that movie» can drive your partner insane. She (or he) may start with TV-loathing and wihish with hating the watcher. When my friends have been divorcing, I asked thed about the reason. He answered that «she is too bossy» and she told me that «he loves his TV more than he loves me!»

Secondly, people become addicted to the endless information flow, without even realising that they do not need to know all these things. Newspapers reported about this new «information addiction» and compared it to drugs or alcohole one. While it cannot be 100 per cent proven that TV itself impacts watcher’s health, it is undoubtful that «beer, chair and football» is not a lifestyle which could be recommended by doctors.

Finally, while some people can object and say that watching TV together with your friends or partner is a good idea, this is not the case. Even if they sit in the same room, people are not dedicated to each other. Instead, they are dedicated to the ‘black box with blue screen». Moreover, it replaces important things and events discussions with silly chats about films and soap operas.

As a result, we have a very dangerous situation where TV sets dominate over families and relations. People do not want to communicate with relatives, they do not want to visit their friends, all they do is sitting in a chair and «just watching».

----
325 words, 39 minutes

Очень неплохо! У Вас хорошее чувство языка. Если в районе 7 - 7.5 устраивает, то you've got it!
Если надо больше, то тогда можно говорить предметно, особенно с точки зрения formal vs. informal стиль.

[eskape]

Очень неплохо! У Вас хорошее чувство языка. Если в районе 7 - 7.5 устраивает, то you've got it!
Если надо больше, то тогда можно говорить предметно, особенно с точки зрения formal vs. informal стиль.

Спасибо на добром слове Семерки достаточно для ближайших целей, но предметно поговорить буду очень рад. Все равно ведь придется эти знания добирать.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Очень неплохо! У Вас хорошее чувство языка. Если в районе 7 - 7.5 устраивает, то you've got it!
Если надо больше, то тогда можно говорить предметно, особенно с точки зрения formal vs. informal стиль.

Спасибо на добром слове Семерки достаточно для ближайших целей, но предметно поговорить буду очень рад. Все равно ведь придется эти знания добирать.

OK, тогда для начала избавьтесь от всех 'I's'.

In other words, people spend too much time in front of TVs, and this fact affects their family life, or even the sense of community.
Поставьте в Passive, так как и так понятно, что people Животные TV не смотрят. 'Fact' - лишнее слово

Все остальное - если хотите, пишите а ЛС

[Yulia_N]

Всем привет. Тренируемся дальше
Выкладываю еще одно сочинение на проверку. Хотелось бы знать по набору лексики и сложности предложений на что хоть тянет пока что. Над чем поработать следует.

Possible Ways to Solve Famine Disasters in Third-World Countries

Nowadays there a lot of problems exist in different countries. Famine is one of them. While some countries suffer from consumerism, others are always undernourished from not enough foot. Third-world countries are the poorest countries in the world, and a lot of people die of starvation these days. There are several ways to solve this serious disaster.

Firstly, the best solution to have enough food is to use agricultural lands in a more effective way. Modern equipment and great people's experience help to be successful in this deal. Moreover, some kind of artificial selection plans give richer harvest than their natural analogs. For example, there 10 per cent of population in USA are involved into farming process. But they produce so many food products that it is enough not only for entire country needs, but also some kind of products are gone on export.

Secondly, sometimes it is also important to correct amount of population. Such countries, like China and India, are overcrowded. Growing food and raising animals are not enough to supply all country needs. Therefore, government made a decision to pay extra money to support families with only one or two kids against families, who have 7 or 8 children. The result was population decreased on 10% for last couple years.

Finally, export products into the country should be a major process if it is not possibility to produce own ones. Small territories like Belarus, Lithuania, and Estonia have, and hard climate environment decrease the ability to grow some plants. Moreover, some part of the land was contaminated by radionuclide in 1986. Import some important goods was a trick proposal. And nowadays we can see international market exchanges between countries, where one participant exports one product and imports another one. Thus, to buy some products abroad is a necessary item.

To sum up all possibilities considered, famine disaster is a problem, which can been solved. The country can select the most suitable way to realize the solving program according to its needs and economic situation. To my mind, import and export are the most useful processes to be saved from hunger.