My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

then please give me the website from where i can take the real IELTS topics.

See my post of 09.09.2010 15:36

This means Chinglish, Konglish and Spanglish should be of no interest to you. I don't comment on the essay where the topic is written with mistakes and is not from IELTS preparation and text books.

Heaps of textbooks, including the 7 Cambridge IELTS preparation books, are available online for illegal downloads
Even here on the IELTS forum there are links to very good resources.
You might want to start from here: http://www.gday.ru/forum/ielts/17642...%EA-ielts.html
and here: Артефакт :: языки :: английский :: материалы для подготовки к сдаче IELTS
and here: Sandheap Archives
and here: Englishtips.org: Learning English Together

This is just in case you don't feel like buying books


But as I said: fix the problems with the wording and grammar in your essay topic and I will check your essay. If you are going for IELTS, you should be able to see the 2 really big mistakes. OK, I'll be nice: at least one

[savanna]

Advertising is all around us, it is an unavoidable part of everyone’s life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives while others say it is negative. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

It is almost impossible to imagine our modern world without advertising. It is everywhere: in public transport, on TV, on the streets. Some people consider that advertising impact on people’s life is beneficial and some suppose oppositely.

It is believed that advertising has a good influence on human beings. People learn a lot of new helpful information from advertisements. For example, somebody wants to buy a new apartment situated at a beautiful quiet place and sees the advertisement of new housing estate, surrounded by forest and river. In this case person receives vary valuable information, which may be will assist the person with making a right choice. Thus, some people gravitate towards this point of view.

On the other hand, many argue that the effect of advertising is positive and consider it is negative. For example, person wants to relax by watching interesting film on TV, but instead of enjoying person is constantly under the pressure of advertisements, forced to watch about new toothpaste, sanitary towels and so on. Instead of pleasure person receives a headache. Thus, very often the advertising annoys people. That is why the impact is tremendously negative.

The positive impact of advertising is agreed and refuted by many. However, after analyzing these points of view, it is clear that there are positive and negative effects. My opinion is that advertising brings to our life much more pernicious influence, than positive. It is very rare occasion when you hear precious facts for you from advertisement, very commonly you are obliged to hear and watch useless and irritating ad about cat litter with lavender odor, while you even do not have a cat.

275 слов

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Advertising is all around us, it is an unavoidable part of everyone’s life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives while others say it is negative. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

Из какой книги этот топик? Дайте, пожалуйста, название, автора и год публикации.

[savanna]

IELTS Writing Samples: Essay, Letter, Report | IELTS-Blog

Раздел IELTS Essay – Band 7, топик IELTS Essay, topic: Advertising
IELTS Essay, topic: Advertising | IELTS-Blog

[Maimiti_Isabella]

IELTS Writing Samples: Essay, Letter, Report | IELTS-Blog

Раздел IELTS Essay – Band 7, топик IELTS Essay, topic: Advertising
IELTS Essay, topic: Advertising | IELTS-Blog

Еще раз повторю вопрос:

Из какой книги этот топик? Дайте, пожалуйста, название, автора и год публикации.

За раз'яснениями, потрудитесь почитать хотя бы последние 2 страницы этой темы, особенно мои 'разборки' с Bekzod.

[savanna]

Прочитала. Топик взяла не из книги, а с сайта. Теперь буду брать темы из книг.

[chucha]

покритикуйте, пожалуйста.

Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.



Thought this century, the role of technology has increased considerably and the majority of people all over the world believe that the human should expand the areal of living. However I feel strongly that we should protect nature in order to preserve its savagery. This essay will look at ideas in favour of conservation and creating nature reservation for rare species of animals.

According to surveys, up to 80% of animals, which now inhabits most protected woodland, have become endangered due to the human activity. Therefore, people have to take responsibility for this and try to solve such problem. If some species are obliterated, the result will lead to significantly important problem with ecosystem.

I often read that somewhere a number of whales or Siberian tigers were contaminated by illegal hunters or due to ecological circumstances. Population of some species is constantly decreasing. What is more, the huge numbers of people simply do not realize all seriousness of disappearance some species of animals.

In couple decades there is hazard that we would lost nature in favour of new roads, magnificent cities, huge factories and others benefits of development. Furthermore, descendant would learn about extinction of our little brothers from books and television. Indeed, cities could be provided with son\me amount of zoos, although there are some animal units, which can not breed under artificial conditions.

To summarize all this, I am deeply convinced that we ought to feel liability for damage we have done. People should preserve untouched wildness and prevent ecological chaos. Of course, it is controversial question, but we should try to keep balance.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Thought this century,

Неужели такие огромные изменения за последние 10 лет?

this century - это всего 10 лет.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

написано неплохо: Вы ответили на вопрос, выдержали структуру. Неплохой словарный запас, но есть серьезные проблемы в грамматике и употреблении правильный форм слов.

Например:
nature reservation -> natural reserves (word form)
tigers were contaminated (how can an animal be contaminated? - poor
word choice)
that we would lost nature -> would lose

I'd think you are looking at overall 6.5

If you need something better, you should concentrate on your English.

[Глуня]

Покритикуйте, плиз...экзамен на носу, а это всего лишь моя вторая попытка написать эссе... слов явно не хватает мне и я ооччень туго и долго выдавливаю из себя идеи, что написать....

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible.
What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age?

The matter of considerable controversy at present is the issue whether children should be busy with any educational program from a young age or it is better to leave kids at home as long as possible to let them enjoy their playing until they have to go to school.
First of all, it is important to emphasize that opinions about this item are different because each family may choose the right way according to their own view when their child would start educational process. Some parents prefer their son or a daughter to stay at home until being 6-7 years old to make this part of a young life without any responsibilities and problems last longer. Kids may spend more time just playing with their parents, grand moms and granddads not thinking about studies.
But I should share a convincing argument against mentioned above that there are so many advantages of starting education early. There are a lot of schools for small children where professional tutors teach young “students” by playing games with them so that they don’t even realize that they are already being taught like at school and at the same time they have so much fun there. Little girls and boys going to special schools from being 3-4 years old develop faster and learn how to study in real school when they become 6-7. Such kids will be more clever and successful students in the future. I absolutely agree with all these facts and I have been taking my son to different educational programs since he was 2 and I can say for sure that he learnt how to enjoy studies continuing to accept any lessons with a pleasure.
So to conclude all said in the previous paragraphs I would recommend young parents to let their children attend special schools before going to an elementary school so that those little boys and girls would meet more friends, enjoy their time playing and learning some important moments of their childhood.

[chucha]

Maimiti_Isabella, спасибо! как-то не пришло в голову,что животные не могут быть истреблены...

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Maimiti_Isabella, спасибо! как-то не пришло в голову,что животные не могут быть истреблены...

Истреблены? - могут. Но у Вас слово 'истреблены' нигде не используется. А используется contaminated. А вот этого действетельно не может быть. Мясо может, а животные - нет.

[chucha]

мм,поняла. слова перепутала..
можно ли использовать при написании много модальных глаголов(we should, we must)? считается ли это дурным тоном?или не надо этого писать, потому что при написании general module решения не нужны?

[Глуня]

Ну покритикуйте же мое эссе плиииз!!

[chucha]

Глуня, обязательно нужны пустые строки между параграфами.
-Kids, a lot of -informal language, нужно использовать более формальный язык,например, infants, descendant, many or much
-three-year-old instead of 3-4 years old
-Little girls and boys goto special schools
-... since he was 2 moreover I can say for sure that ... try to use moreover or furthermore to emphasize.
-pleasure-uncountable noun
-нельзя начинать с so, это школьный уровень.лучше заменить therefore
-i would strongly recommend-старайтесь использовать adverbs
-...special schools before going to elementary ones.
-and learning some important moments. избегайте простых прил,используйте "цветастый" вокабуляр eg significant, essential

написала,что знаю.дождитесь,пока напишет кто-нибудь более опытный,я сама пишу недавно.а еще зайдите сюда, очень все хорошо написано. Enda Tuomey's English Language Writing Website