My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[savanna]

Maimiti_Isabella, Ок-ок, больше не буду! Пожалуйста, покритикуйте следующее:

Some people believe that children are given to much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time?


Many people think that school time is the most wonderful part of life. There are none serious responsibilities and a tremendous lot of free time. However, it is believed by some that school pupils should do more studying instead of having free time after lessons. My opinion is that children should spend their free time on activities, which differ from an educational process like communication and relaxing.


Children should interact with friends and meet different people. The communication develops excellent interpersonal skills and the ability to liaise with people. It matters significantly in social adaptation of personality, what is as equally important as education for future achievements. Thus, children should use their free time for communicating.


Free time also should be used for any kind of relaxing activities like sports, walking, parties and so on. If child spends all free time for studying activities, there is great probability that in the future child will be very intelligent and smart, but socially reserved person, who will not be able to achieve success at a career and private life.


Taking into consideration all mentioned above, it is clear that the necessity of free time after school work is vitally essential condition for balanced human development. Children should spend a lot of time with other children and adults, what leads to the progress of effective communicating skills. Also children should have a rest at enough volume to be healthy and successful at studying. Whole future life of a child depends on what activities child does during free time.

Заранее Большое Спасибо!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Maimiti_Isabella, Ок-ок, больше не буду! Пожалуйста, покритикуйте следующее:

Some people believe that children are given to much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time?


Many people think that school time is the most wonderful part of life. There are none->no serious responsibilities and a tremendous lot (too informal) of free time. However, it is believed by some that school pupils should do more studying instead of having free time after lessons. My opinion is that children should spend their free time on activities, (no comma - I already commented on you problems with commas. Have you looked up the rules?) which differ from an educational process (comma required) like communication and relaxing.

I really can't see what can I do for you now. Your writing is pretty good anyway. However, the serious problem with commas keep popping up and obviously you haven't followed my recommendation to revise the use of commas in English. I don't think there's any point for me in looking at your essays until the problem is addressed. On the other hand, you have significantly improved as far as modality is concerned. I'd've liked to see a second conditional, though.

Please also note, somewhere earlier on this thread I posted a link to a punctuation worksheet. I'm sure you will be able to find it either by searching the thread on in my pictures (I think you can navigate there via my profile page). Please also note a significant difference in the use of commas in some instances between BrE and AmE. Otherwise, The Purdue University Online Writing Lab is a wonderful place to brush up on your grammar, writing style and punctuation (you only need the last one). Generally speaking, American English is more pedantic about using their commas (among other things ) than British.

And one more thing. I hope you realise that I am not your subsitute tutor and consequently, as a rule, I only check 2 or 3 essays to point into the general direction and comment on the approach and style of writing. For more detailed mistake corrections you should approach your teacher.

If you have any specific questions, I'll be happy to help you.

G'luck
Maimiti_Isabella

[savanna]

Maimiti_Isabella, Большое Спасибо за Советы!!!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Maimiti_Isabella, Большое Спасибо за Советы!!!

No probs

[EvgenD]

Maimiti_Isabella, спасибо Вам огромное за Вашу помощь. Сегодня узнал результаты своего теста - L8 R8.5 W6 S6.

Ваши советы очень помогли, результатом доволен, так как надо было минимум все 6.

Есть куда рости, буду дальше учить язык. Еще раз спасибо!

[uzzi]

In many parts of the world and throughout history governments have moved their capitals. Why would they do this? What are the potential problems and benefits? Would you vote for moving your capital?


They were many historical examples of moving the capitals worldwide. The factors affected to relocation were determined either by local geographical economical reasons, or other events related to political or historical situation. Changing the place of locations of many government institutions has as many disadvantages as positive sides and very expensive. In my opinion, that sort of decisions should be taken very precociously after determining all possible positive and negative consequences.

The moving of already existing capital to a new place can be approved by the different causes. They may be geographical and economical issues like inconvenient location of the city with difficult transport access or local topographic situation preventing further development of structures of the city. Some cities located in the mountain landscape have difficulties with a safe airport location and this can cause a significant difficulty in communication. Another possible reason may impossibility for further growing up of the city due to geographical situation. Sometimes factors contributed to moving of the capital determined by historical background, for example the capital of Israel was announced to be relocated to Jerusalem according to historical importance of this city and wishes of many generations of Jews to reunion in their ancient capital.

In most of the cases relocation of the government to new place is very difficult and expensive process. Transfer of main state institutions and structures takes long time and needs a significant financial support. Furthermore, part of expenses related to documentary re-declaration of new capital and establishing good communication and transport systems. The most important part is that all expenses should be covered by tax-payers, which means unavoidable rising of taxes and life expenses.

At the same time the city and its inhabitants can benefit from moving the government to their place. The new capital declaration often followed by reconstruction of city which changes its appearance dramatically. The process of reconstruction allows to create new working place and redirect financial flows to the new capital.

In conclusion, creation of new capital is very expensive and time consuming process. Taking into consideration all above mentioned facts, I would not vote for moving my capital.

[uzzi]

Судя по молчанию, реакция неоднозначная.
Изабелла, а Вы что скажете?

[chucha]

оцените, пожалуйста, эссе.

Some people think that they can learn better by themselves than with a teacher. Others think that it is always better to have a teacher. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons to develop your essay.



Through the centuries, the attitude towards education has significantly altered. The majority of people believe that traditional way of studying with a tutor is old and reliable one. Others claim that teachers have slowly gone to the past and today self-education is more contemporary. I am deeply convinced that students need someone, who can lead them thought their education. This essay will discuss some arguments in favour of studying with the teachers.

The first thing that should be noted is that each studying course has some landmarks and essential keys which are necessary to know. Moreover, there is a special program and pupil should try to keep it constantly. If you do not know the discipline, it is extremely difficult to layout your own plan and in this case teacher can do it. In my opinion, this stage is a great deal more important than others ones, because if pupils miss something really needful, further studying would be less productive and in some cases meaningless.

What is more the tutor, who undoubtedly has more experience than pupil, can organize the studying process properly in order to save time. For instance, the teacher can pay attention for general points and skim briefly for worthless details.

Furthermore, if the pupil could not understand something in study material covered, here is an opportunity to ask questions about this theme. By and large, you always can expect to get professional answers and examples.

Taking into account everything mentioned above, I would like to say that learning is a professional field. In this case we should confide our knowledge to teachers in order to make them full and solid.

[ovel]

Моё первое ессе.

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money.

Do you agree or disagree?

Which other types of job should be highly paid?

To start with, it might be appropriate to mention that some persons think that stardoms or closely related people, for example, football players, are overpaid. It seems that they are doing almost nothing or they are doing something cushy, and after this deeds they get a huge bundle of money. I suppose, that in real world it is not so.

Let's look at an example, who may be a some prominent person, starred in a movie. From one side he earns a large amount of funds, but from other side it was an extremely hard work. His prominence is a result of his magnificently good work. Any movie development, firstly, is the business of an investor, and any business main goal is a profit getting. If you like this movie, you will pay money for it, but you would never pay, if there were non-professional actor and movie were so boring.

The situation can be considered also from an another point of view. An amount of payment doesn't define by person's own desires. Any salary defines, firstly, by labour market or Human Resources market. If you have decided to make a movie, I suspect, you cannot find any prominent and cheap actor, because a Human Resource market cannot offer you this one.

As a conclusion I should mention that movie-stars or sports game players are not all, who should be highly payed. As well as it may be Chief Executive Officer of any significant international company or any another person, whose position is comparable with CEO. It is normally in our world.

[Jess]

Мое первое ессе тут. Хочется услышать мнение не только тичера но и других.
Преподавателем было дано задание написать о пользе и плюсах курения.
И вот что получилось.

Exists an opinion that a smoking has some pluses. I’m as ex-smoker partially agree with this opinion. I have some reasons for it.
At first as my husband joking : Still any smoker didn't complain that near to him there is a non-smoking. Second reason it is relax during work day. When I was smoker I could leave my work place one time in hour and rest five minutes, so that I follow rules about rest every hour. Now I’m working all day and have rest only on the lunch time.
And else one reason the smoking is appeases nerves. Some people could be more calm when they are smoking after quarrel. I also used smoking like stabilizer when I was very nervous.Yesterday I heard a news on the radio. A man was saved after a psychologist offered to him have a smoke and talk. The man was trying throw down himself from the roof of tower block.
In the other hand I also understand that the smoke is killer of people. And they kill not only themselves but and everything surround of them. And exists many reasons that the government should prohibits smoking in the public places and near schools, colleges and universities.
In conclusion I want to say that the smoke it is not a good idea, even if teenagers mean that it is cool and adults means that it is prestigious. And therefore they have a chance to develop cancer.It would be better if people will be sporty and have a health life style.

[Agathis]

Hello. I will be grateful to anyone who comments on my essay. I'm just trying to maintain a good shape after passing IELTS (and it seems like it's not going to be easy). I am aware of the length of my essay - it is obviously too long (it was quite difficult to cram all ideas into 250 words).

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people decide to do this.

After finishing high school young people aiming to continue their education at a university have to make a hard decision on whether to apply immediately or whether to have a year off. In some countries they are encouraged to spend a year working or traveling rather than to start their studies right away. Both approaches have their own advantages and disadvantages and it is always up to a person to decide on which of them to choose. However, in my opinion for most prospective applicants it would not hurt to use this opportunity and take a short brake.
It is well known that during their last year in high school the majority of students experience a very high level of emotional pressure, which is due to the responsibility involved in passing final school exams. Failure on an exam means that a student would not be allowed any further studies until he or she successfully retakes it. This forces them to work very hard and consequently most students become exhausted by the end of their last year in high school. It is therefore a very good idea to retrieve one’s physical and mental strengths by travelling for a year or having any other type of rest. Besides, travel can also be considered as a great opportunity to see many other countries and learn something new about their cultures.
Another good way of spending the year before university is to find a job, where one can obtain a specific experience in an area chosen. It might not only help in further studies but either may give important clues on which occupation to choose. For many people for instance it might occur that they have chosen a wrong profession. Taking into account the statistical more than fifty percent of those changing their occupation after graduating from a university that seems to be rather positive issue.
However, despite all the arguments listed above there are young people for whom a year off studies would be just a waste of time. In case they are solidly determined on their further field of studies and are not too tired to continue the education without interruption they are more than welcome to apply for a university as soon as possible.
In conclusion I would like to recall that there are different types of students – for some of them the best choice is to start university education right after finishing high school, whereas for others it is better to have a year rest. Personally, I think that the last group greatly outweighs the first one.

thaks a lot

[Agathis]

Jess. My writing score is only 6.5 so I don't know if my comments would help or not. However, as far as I can judge if you substitute all words in your essay with their translations you will get a perfect Russian text (by the way, my own writing suffers the same defect

[Jess]

Jess. My writing score is only 6.5 so I don't know if my comments would help or not. However, as far as I can judge if you substitute all words in your essay with their translations you will get a perfect Russian text (by the way, my own writing suffers the same defect

Спасибо за оценку, если в дженерал это потянет на 6,5 значит результаты есть. Потому как изучаю всего полтора года язык. Но мне нужны семерки, будем подтягиваться.

[Agathis]

Jess. Вы, кажется, неверно меня истолковали - я не давал оценки. Я имел ввиду, что моя собственная оценка за writing была 6.5 (Academic). Конкретную оценку Вам может дать только IELTS экзаменатор либо человек, очень хорошо знакомый с тем, как производится assessment.

[Jess]

Jess. Вы, кажется, неверно меня истолковали - я не давал оценки. Я имел ввиду, что моя собственная оценка за writing была 6.5 (Academic). Конкретную оценку Вам может дать только IELTS экзаменатор либо человек, очень хорошо знакомый с тем, как производится assessment.

все равно спасибо, на что то обнадеживает, если мое ессе похоже на ваше , все равно надо еще работать над собой.