My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Sergg]

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment.
Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment?
Nowadays, thousands of comfortable buildings and houses are constructed , as a result sometimes people have to make choice of living in an apartment or living in a house. On the one hand, there are many advantages of living in a house, on the other hand some people want to live only in flat. To my mind, your own house is the greatest place to live, despite the fact, that houses are usually built outside the city and people spend more time going to work or shopping.
A major benefit of living in a house is that you have your own territory around your building. Moreover, you may use it in many different ways. Specifically if you have children, you may construct a playground for them and look after your children. In addition, you won’t be afraid of some strangers, who often walk around storey buildings.
For another thing, in your own house you won’t be annoyed at noise of your neighbors, who may disturb you in an apartment. Furthermore, you can listen to music and watch TV as loudly as you want. However, in a flat you can do this only in a daytime. It is especially important for people, who study to play some instruments or just love watching TV loudly. Thus, if you don’t want to depend on your neighbors and other circumstances, live in a house is your choice.
Some people may argue that in big cities, apartments are more comfortable to live than houses, because you will spend much more time going to work or studying, and then more time cleaning up the mess. In my point of view, you can save this time, for example, going on a barbeque, gym or swimming pool, due to the fact that they may be constructed in your house. Therefore, in your own house you may build many things, for which you must pay, if you live in an apartment.
Taking into account everything mentioned above, I am inclined to believe, that there are more advantages of living in a house compared with living in a flat. Thus, people who live in a house have more comfortable life, but sometimes spend too much time on daily routine.
Заранее огромное спасибо за ваши комментарии!!!!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment.
Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment?
Nowadays, thousands of comfortable buildings and houses are constructed , as a result sometimes people have to make choice of living in an apartment or living in a house. On the one hand, there are many advantages of living in a house, on the other hand some people want to live only in flat. To my mind, your own house is the greatest place to live, despite the fact, that houses are usually built outside the city and people spend more time going to work or shopping.
A major benefit of living in a house is that you have your own territory around your building. Moreover, you may use it in many different ways. Specifically if you have children, you may construct a playground for them and look after your children. In addition, you won’t be afraid of some strangers, who often walk around storey buildings.

I've marked just two paragraphs and my suggestion is to read comments to other people's essays to see what the requirements for IELTS are and what is not acceptable.
There are no grammar mistakes so far but there's nothing there to show the examiner that you have a good command of English. So, I would give you a 6 but think that on a good day an examiner might give you 6.5

[uzzi]

Some people believe that the best way to learn anything is learning “by doing”. Others would rather learn through books and from teachers. Think of learning a language. Which way do you think is a better way to learn a language?

Studying of foreign language is a difficult process. It demands continuous strength and efforts in order to progress well and achieve significant results in the language education. There is an opinion that the preferable way of learning is “learning by doing”. I would rather support another point of view, which claims that someone can get a better success by learning the language under supervision of specially educated person.
Firstly, studying of foreign language with the teacher have more advantages over self-education in conditions of learning by doing something or living in the place with unfamiliar phonetic surround. Indeed the trainee can enjoy the process of communicating with native speakers while spending time in vacation or short business trip. Meanwhile a classic way of education remains a gold standard. During the class preparation the trainee receives support from the teacher, may refer to him as much as he needs. During the preparation the smallest nuances of the language may be explained, while self studying process is often limited by the trainees self perception of his progress and feedbacks received from his surround.
Secondly, the organized process of learning of language in the class system allows to students to deal with unfamiliar issues with less stress comparing with the persons involved in the process of learning of the language in real life conditions. Usually during their classes students communicate with pears and keep good self esteem while speaking with the people of same level of language. When necessary, students can reapply to the teacher for explanation of unfamiliar words or refer to the audiotape several times. The other group of trainees often has a lack of communication with friendly orientated surround, which reduce the efficacy of learning.
From my personal expertise of studying of foreign language in “learning by doing” conditions, I could say that this is a very difficult and sometimes tricky way of education. Moreover, I should beware the people thinking that living in foreign country and learning a language in everyday practice is an easy way of getting knowledge. It is extremely hard to learn the language of unfamiliar language group (and alphabet, accordingly) without appropriate training. Even “small routine things” like getting the right direction on the street or telephone conversation with a clerk may complicate someone’s life considerably. The things may become more complicated when someone make a wrong decision while working due to language misperception.
In conclusion, I’m deeply convinced that the best way of studying of foreign language is taking the regular class of language preparation. It gives to students more advantages, reduce stress of education and prevents from unnecessary mistakes or misbehavior in everyday’s life.

[Глуня]

Such a difficult language is used here! Bravo! I've found some gramma mistakes though...but the language itself is perfect... mine is much more simple ..

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Some people believe that the best way to learn anything is learning “by doing”. Others would rather learn through books and from teachers. Think of learning a language. Which way do you think is a better way to learn a language?
...

uzzi, how much time did you spend on this essay. IELTS clearly states the time and expected length of the essay. Yours in 441 words. I'd be very surprised if you've written all these within the time limit.
I can understand if you write 300 words but trust me, the IELTS examiner will not appreciate 441 - too much to mark and why should they waste their time? They will probably stop reading after 300 anyway.

At least even I feel it doesn't worth the effort and time I have to put into marking.

I hope you understand what I mean.

As far as the language is concerned, your writing is pretty good and you are not making many mistakes. The ones that you do make don't interfere with the meaning and text flow. An example of such a mistake is below.

Studying of foreign language is a difficult process -> Studying a foreign language is a difficult process
It gives to students more advantages, reduce -> gives students (direct object), reduces

The real problem in this particular essay is that you changed the topic. There's nothing in the topic about a foreign language, but you started to talk about it/them straight away. I admit, this is possible what is required from you but then you need to introduce the 'change of topic'. You also talk about language learning under a guidance of a teacher and self-education, which probably means you're talking about adults. And what about kids? You can talk about adults but then you need to introduce the 'shift' yet again.

The major grammar problems in this essay: 1) transitive vs. intransite verb and 2) articles. Please read your essay again and pay more attention to these.

[Bekzod]

Most criminals are set free once they finish their jail terms. Is the reintroduction of criminals in societies is justified? Place your views in no less than 250 words.

After finishing the jail term most criminals can’t find their place in society and they are forced to perform crime for their living and undoubtly they get caught. Therefore, ex-prisoners are sent back to jail again. The question wether introduction of criminals is justified in societies remains as a source of vivid disputes among all walks of life. With the given statement I partly agree and my point of view is based on the following grounds.
First and foremost, it necessary to take into account that not guilty persons after finishing jail term can’t take back their previous occupation .The reason for that is that society’s attitude towards ex-prisoners is not fair and set free persons have to start their life all over again and if a profitable job is found, it is found rarely.
In addition, statistically it has been proved that most part of the ex-prisoners commit crime. In a nutshell they get accustomed to prison, which is like their home. In my opinion, in order to change situations like this certain number of steps should be made. First of all, employers shouldn’t take into account the criminal record of the employee. Secondly, society should change it’s attitute towards the ex-criminals. Last but not least, it is preferable to prevent the commitment of crime.
On the whole, it must be noted that ex-prisoners are human beings and that everyone has a second chance to be given. However in our contemporary world the reintroduction of criminals aren’t widely justified.

sorry have a bad keyboard =) well the topic is from IELTS

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Most criminlas are set free once they finish their jail terms. Is the reintoduction of criminlas in socities is justified? Place your views in o les than 250 words..

Please note, you are trying to learn English.
This means Chinglish, Konglish and Spanglish should be of no interest to you. I don't comment on the essay where the topic is written with mistakes and is not from IELTS preparation and text books.

[Sergg]

Maimiti_Isabella, Большое спасибо за подробный анализ, буду стараться!!!
P.S. Я правда думал, что у меня получилось 3 параграфа))
A major benefit ...
For another thing...
Some people may argue that...

[Perfil]

Проверте пожалуйста и оцените. Я это эссе написал за 40 мин.

Nowadays we are producing more and more rubbish.
Why do you think this is happening?
What can governments do to help reduce the amount of rubbish produced?

We live in society where harm of producing rubbish have been growing year by year. It’s time stop for a while and estimate contaminated activities, which we have been providing for the last half a century and try to develop something for preventing killing our planet.

Obviously, there is wide diversity of harm, which lead us to ecological problems. The first thing I should definitely mention here is that rubbish contaminate lakes and rivers, from which we take drinking water and our farmers feed animals. The second thing is a rubbish spoils lives of endangered species.

Undoubtedly there is wide range of reasons why rubbish production enhances. It’s obvious to me the first most important reason for that is our state government and a range of huge commercial firms try to save a big money with burning rubbish just outside megalopolis. And also the second reason, which must be definitely pointed here is that most of inhabitants of our blue planet don’t realize what will wait us in the close future if do the same way. I mean a big amount of garbage are left in the streets, in forests, in village area just after some picnics and so on.

In my opinion, our officials must invest big money for creating special places, in which all produced rubbish by our society will be decomposed in the safe way. And we have to apply producing only biodegradable packaging, as well. In addition to this, our police must do big fines for leaving garbage at not a trash can.

In conclusion, the God gave us only one home, our planet. And we 6 billions must to save our green planet for future generation.

280 слов

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Nowadays we are producing more and more rubbish.
Why do you think this is happening?
What can governments do to help reduce the amount of rubbish produced?

We live in society where harm of producing rubbish have been growing year by year. It’s time stop for a while and estimate contaminated activities, which we have been providing for the last half a century and try to develop something for preventing killing our planet.

Давайте так: я прокомментирую эти 2 предложния, а Вы сами решите стоит ли Вам уже готовиться к IELTS или все-таки лучше подучить сначала английский.

We live in the society where harm of producing rubbish (что это значит - не знаю. Но это точно не английский) have (has) been growing ('harm' can't grow!) year by year. (4 mistakes)
It’s time to stop for a while and estimate contaminated activities (что это значит?), which we have been providing (Кто? Что? кому?) for the last half a century and try to develop something (это слово не может употребляться в more or less formal writing. Что имеется в виду - об'ясните) for preventing the killing (are we killing it already or not?) of our planet. (7 mistakes)

[uzzi]

uzzi, how much time did you spend on this essay. IELTS clearly states the time and expected length of the essay. Yours in 441 words. I'd be very surprised if you've written all these within the time limit.
I can understand if you write 300 words but trust me, the IELTS examiner will not appreciate 441 - too much to mark and why should they waste their time? They will probably stop reading after 300 anyway.

At least even I feel it doesn't worth the effort and time I have to put into marking.

I hope you understand what I mean.

As far as the language is concerned, your writing is pretty good and you are not making many mistakes. The ones that you do make don't interfere with the meaning and text flow. An example of such a mistake is below.


The real problem in this particular essay is that you changed the topic. There's nothing in the topic about a foreign language, but you started to talk about it/them straight away. I admit, this is possible what is required from you but then you need to introduce the 'change of topic'. You also talk about language learning under a guidance of a teacher and self-education, which probably means you're talking about adults. And what about kids? You can talk about adults but then you need to introduce the 'shift' yet again.

The major grammar problems in this essay: 1) transitive vs. intransite verb and 2) articles. Please read your essay again and pay more attention to these.

Спасибо за Ваши замечания, уважаемая Maimiti_Isabella.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

уважаемая Maimiti_Isabella.

Я от таких слов отвыкла!

Глубокоуважаемый Вагоноуважатый! Вагоноуважаемый Глубокоуважатый!

[Bekzod]

Maimiti_Isabella пожалуйста оцените моё сочинение, я там исправил ошибки. А топик АЙЛТСковский.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

А топик АЙЛТСковский.

No, it's not. You've lifted it from a fishy Chinglish, Konglish or possibly Spanglish website.

There are really bad mistakes in the topic's wording and grammar. If you want me to check your essay, fix the problems first.

[Bekzod]

No, it's not. You've lifted it from a fishy Chinglish, Konglish or possibly Spanglish website.

There are really bad mistakes in the topic's wording and grammar. If you want me to check your essay, fix the problems first.

then please give me the website from where i can take the real IELTS topics.