My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Господи, да ни кем не призваны, просто тема называется покритикуйте эссе. Ладно, неважно, спасибо огромное за помощь, Изабелла. Вы не ответили ни на один мой вопрос.

You are welcome.

[maritasha]

Вот и замечательно. Только непонятно почему при таком преподавателе Вы просите образцы эссе на форуме Попросите у преподавателя Вашего мужа. Да и на официальном сайте они есть - уж Ваш преподаватель не может этого не знать

Ах да я и забыла, что читать форум для сдающих - ниже своего достоинства. 'Черновичок' есть и на этом форуме.

откуда же у вас столько негатива
По-моему, многие помимо занятий с преподавателем ищут другие возможные подсказки и секреты успеха, в том числе и на форуме. Форум я читаю, но, к сожалению пока не нашла эссе, проверенное именно преподавателем, а только отзывы таких же готовящихся. Их советы также бывают бесценны и к некоторым мы тоже прислушиваемся. Вопрос остается в силе. В свою очередь готова поделиться своим образцом на 6,5-7, если кому нужно по почте pdf могу отправить. Результаты предудыщих сдач 7 и 6.

[maritasha]

[QUOTE=MarinaKON;1842715]Я недавно участвовала в олимпиаде по англ-му, одним из заданием было Essay (говорилось, что оно оценивается по критериям IELTS). я получила 18,3 из возможных 25. Скажите, пожалуйста, что не так.

почитайте вот эту тему. Многое станет понятно, как должно выглядеть IELTS эссе http://www.gday.ru/forum/ielts/16673...%ED%E0%FF.html

[Max_Ukraine]

ребят, а у кого-нибудь случайно не завалялся черновичок с эссе, которое реально оценено экзаменатором, например, в ходе подготовки на 8-8,5? Наша цель 7, но уж очень хочется увидеть своими глазами и понять в чем принципиальная разница между 7 и 8 на конкретном примере?

IELTS Essays - Band 8 | IELTS-Blog

[MarinaKON]

My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

откуда же у вас столько негатива полностью согласна!

maritasha, спасибо большое.

[maritasha]

[QUOTE=Max_Ukraine;1843041]IELTS Essays - Band 8 | IELTS-Blog[/QUOTE
спасибо! ушла читать

[Maimiti_Isabella]

IELTS Essays - Band 8 | IELTS-Blog

Always go for the official site: https://www.teachers.cambridgeesol.o...le_scripts.pdf
Though they don't have band 8 there, it's pretty clear how the paper is marked.

[maritasha]

Always go for the official site: https://www.teachers.cambridgeesol.o...le_scripts.pdf
Though they don't have band 8 there, it's pretty clear how the paper is marked.

жаль, что на 8 там все-таки нет примеров
хочется стараться готовиться на оценку выше той, которая нужна, чтобы наверняка 7 получить.

[maritasha]

IELTS Essays - Band 8 | IELTS-Blog

интересно, кто оценивает эти примеры. Где-то на форуме читала, что, если не ошибаюсь, оценки на данном ресурсе несколько завышены. А как вам кажется, дорогие товарищи форумчане?

[AntonKonovalov]

Writing Task 1 (Academic). Could you assess it?

The pie chart presents information about peoples expenditure on different types of things in 1966 and 1996.
To start with, it is easy to notice that amount of money people had spent on food in 1966 decreased considerably from 44 % to 14 per cent in 1996. On the other hand consumers began to buy much more cars, its percentage grew up to 45 % in comparison with corresponding 23 per cent in 1966.
The figures of petrol and furniture almost remained stable during whole period at the level of about nine per cent, whereas people became visit restaurant in two times more frequently. It is also clearly seen that people spend less time reading books in 1996 than in 1966 with 6 and 1 per cent respectively. Obviously, this trend occurred because of the fact that people began to use computers 10 times more often than they had done it.
To sum up, it must be stated that society tended to be more technological, which was conformed to the global hi-tech progress.

Best wishes. Konovalov Anton

[Maimiti_Isabella]

The pie chart presents information about peoples expenditure on different types of things in 1966 and 1996.

You've failed to provide the task and without seeing the graph it's very difficult to evaluate the relevance of the description.

If you can't insert the picture (how about scanning or taking a photo with your mobile, for example?), please provide the reference to the source. e.g. the book the task is from, the authors and the page number.

[AntonKonovalov]

You've failed to provide the task and without seeing the graph it's very difficult to evaluate the relevance of the description.

If you can't insert the picture (how about scanning or taking a photo with your mobile, for example?), please provide the reference to the source. e.g. the book the task is from, the authors and the page number.

IELTS Exam Preparation - IELTS Graph #19

This is the link where I found this task

[Maimiti_Isabella]

IELTS Exam Preparation - IELTS Graph #19

This is the link where I found this task

First of all, this is not an IELTS task as IELTS doesn't state 'for university professor'. Secondly, IELTS tasks generally have a lot more info to start with. I've been through this many times, but it doesn't seem to sink in with gday test takers: it's important to train for the tasks you will be given as the main problem with people from ex-USSR is their problems with understanding the task. Well, one of the main problems anyway.

For now I'm going to look at your writing but will not do this again if the task is not taken from an IELTS preparation book or official IELTS website. You can also find quite a few practice tasks on the British Council website - why not use those? Here's the site to practice Academic IELTS task 1: Exams and Study - British Council - LearnEnglish - Professionals


Just a quick look at your writing reveals a serioius problem that would affect your overall mark for this task.

The task is to describe the information below. You, on the other hand, bring your own ideas and draw your own conclusions which you were not asked to do and which are not relevant to the task. I mean you Conclusion, of course (To sum up, it must be stated that society tended to be more technological, which was conformed to the global hi-tech progress). You were not asked to evaluate the information provided. Besides, by focusing on technological advances you completely side tracked from the topic - comparing / describing changes in spending patterns.

Now, let's look at the Introduction

The pie chart presents information about peoples expenditure on different types of things in 1966 and 1996.

I personally can see two charts. Which one are you referring to? So, you jeopardise your mark by limiting your response to one of the charts only.

The truth is, I don't like this writing as it's very confusing and you managed to 'hide' your rather good English skills. There are certain items that could have been compared, e.g. spending on food in 1966 and 1996 and the money spent on eating out. A beautiful opportunity to show off your English. Why didn't you take it? Instead you're comparing the spendings on food to those on cars (this leads to problems with readability - coherence)

Some most 'glaring' mistakes:
The figures of -> the figures for
that the amount of money people had spent -why Past Perfect -> spent
whereas people became -> began visit restaurants in (-<cut) two times more frequently

That's it for today. I don't like putting a value on Task 1 as it's generally weighs less than Task 2 but I really don't think you could get more that 6 for this.

[flameflower]

Форумчане, посмотрите, пожалуйста

E-mail has had a huge impact on professional and social communication, but this impact has been negative as well as positive. Do the disadvantages of using e-mail outweigh the advantages?


It is no doubt that using e-mails has taken a large part in communication in different spheres of peoples' life during the last century. Some believe that this innovation has brought important benefits, others consider that electronic letters have an adverse effect on the modern society. There is a number of arguments for both sides of this question.


The main argument in favour of using e-mails is that it has made the way of exchanging information faster and easier. Today many people work in tight schedule, have several different tasks at the same time. If they had refuted the invention of the Internet, they would have had to spend the worktime on meetings face-to-face instead of getting required information in five minutes. In contrast, electronic letters allow to lead several conversation at the same time and not to wasre time.


A one more positive aspect in using e-mails is that it gives more opportunities for relatives and friends to stay in touch. For example, even though my family live a long distance from me, we can not only communicate on-line, but also attach photos to our letters. That is much cheaper than to send photos in traditional way. Moreover, having daily news from my relatives gives me incredible support.


On the other hand, it is considered that electronic letters could seriosly damage a computer. This point is explained by the fact that any computer connected to the Internet faces a variety of electronic threats. For example, different viruses could be proliferated through the World Wide Web. As a result, if a member of electronic conversation does not install special security software, viruses could simply cause his computer to crash.


In conclusion, as it has been proved using e-mail has its advantages and disadvantages. However, despite the risk of possible viruses, the improvement in communication is much more substantial to people.

[maritasha]

пожалуйста, покритикуйте!!!

Task 1 отсюда IELTS Exam Preparation - IELTS Graph #33

The bar chart shows the rates of employment in 6 different countries in 1995 and 2005.

First of all, it is obvious that in both years employment rates for males are higher than for females. Thus, Iceland had the highest rates for men both in 1995 and 2005 with some above 70% and more than 80%, respectively.

As for women, the highest result belonged to Switzerland,which made up about 65% in 1995 and some below 70% in 2005.

Australia had the lowest figures for both men and women employment in 2005 with some below 70% and less than 40%, respectively. As for the lowest results in 1995, they belonged to Australia for men as well and New Zeland for women, which made up about 55% and 25% respectively. Additionally, New Zeland had the biggest discrepancy between male and female employment in both years, as opposed to the UK, which had the least gap.

The USA had average results in the both years with just below 60% for males in 1995 and above 70% in 2005, as for women, the results were about 55% and above 60% in 1995 and 2005 respectively.


На какую оценку тянет при условии, что я уже исправила 6 описок.
To be continued...