My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Спасибо, буду пробовать дальше.
In some countries children start full time school at the age of four. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this situation?
Write at least 250 words.

Too late now and I'm too tired. I'll have a look at your essay tomorrow night.

[HolyMolly]

HolyMolly, вы разобрались с пунктуацией?

Да, огромное спасибо! Беру тайм-аут на недельку, порешаю грамматику, хотя это очень скучно и муторно. А то какая-то каша в голове образовалась. Последняя проверка меня просто убила.

[HolyMolly]

Значит неправильная Вам документация попалась, должно быть "an Oracle DBA"...

Документация официальная. Правда она американская, но, возможна писана индусами. Спасибо и Вам!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Спасибо, буду пробовать дальше.
In some countries children start full time school at the age of four. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this situation?
Write at least 250 words.

The problem with children education is debated all the time of existing school system. One of the discussed topic is an age for beginning a full-time learning. In several countries the age for beginning education is a four years old, and there are some benefits and losses of such approach. The both sides of the problem will be analyzed below and reasoned conclusion will be given.

Вижу 2 основные проблемы. Первое, второй Body paragraph как бы не совсем по теме. Вас не просили предложить другой возраст, а просили только об'яснить advantages and disadvatages of starting the school at the age of 4. Т.е. в принципе этот абзац можно сохранить, но переделать topic sentence и, следовательно, пересмотреть как весь абзац организован. Других претензий к организации Вашего эссе у меня нет.

Теперь о 'главном'. У Вас достаточно слабый английский для хорошей оценки. Очень много ошибок, но не грамматических, а скорее лексического плана и в collocations (т.е. как слова 'собираются' друг с другом). В результате некоторые предложения звучат совсем не по английски.

Я бы порекомендовала
1. поднять общий уровень языка
2. много читать и слушать, выписывая не слова, а выражения, обязательно вместе с предлогами.
3. заниматься по книге Vocabulary for IELTS
4. Серьезно заняться употреблением артиклей в английском языке: yours are all over the place.

Пример 'плохого' английского и 'руссизмов' в одном отдельно взятом предложении:

On the one hand, when children start school in -> at the age of four, they begin to develop mentally in -> at a very young age, what -> which is an obviously -> obvious an (cut: no article required) advantage (other option: which is obviously an advantage)

So, my overall impression stays the same: 6. To get to 6.5 you need to put quite a lot of extra work into your studies.

[HolyMolly]

Вижу 2 основные проблемы. Первое, второй Body paragraph как бы не совсем по теме. Вас не просили предложить другой возраст, а просили только об'яснить advantages and disadvatages of starting the school at the age of 4. Т.е. в принципе этот абзац можно сохранить, но переделать topic sentence и, следовательно, пересмотреть как весь абзац организован. Других претензий к организации Вашего эссе у меня нет.

Теперь о 'главном'. У Вас достаточно слабый английский для хорошей оценки. Очень много ошибок, но не грамматических, а скорее лексического плана и в collocations (т.е. как слова 'собираются' друг с другом). В результате некоторые предложения звучат совсем не по английски.

Я бы порекомендовала
1. поднять общий уровень языка
2. много читать и слушать, выписывая не слова, а выражения, обязательно вместе с предлогами.
3. заниматься по книге Vocabulary for IELTS
4. Серьезно заняться употреблением артиклей в английском языке: yours are all over the place.

Пример 'плохого' английского и 'руссизмов' в одном отдельно взятом предложении:


So, my overall impression stays the same: 6. To get to 6.5 you need to put quite a lot of extra work into your studies.

This horse with a different colour, Maimiti_Isabella!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

This horse with a different colour, Maimiti_Isabella!

ROFL

[HolyMolly]

ROFL

Всегда пожалуйста! Зато я теперь запомню, возможно навсегда, что OF

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Teacher and students must be friend.

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us"

please can anyone check and band my answer ?? I would be glad to see my errors / thanx

if you are preparing for IELTS, you need to work with IELTS topics. There are many IELTS preparation books available so grab the ones you like and choose your topic from them. AFAIK, there are even IELTS prep. textbooks published specifically for the Turkish market. When it's done, I can have a look at your essay.
In addition, the level of your English is generally is not as good as you might need to get good results in IELTS.

[Masha_21]

Здравствуйте, хочу поделится успехами и попросить помощи в моем essаy. Вот засекла время, выбрала первую попавшуюся тему из academic модуля и за 35 минут написала сочинение.

The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health.

To what extent do you agree with these views?

Humans is society, which has it's own needs as well as other inhabitants of the Earth. But there is one of the most important needs common for all living species - food. Food provides us with carbohydrates, nutritions , vitamins and, what is more important, energy. But sometimes we consume more than we have to, which leads to gaining extra weight, especially in modern society where there are a lot of tasty food to choose from. But the problem of overweight effects not only adults, but our kids as well. So are parents to blame for this, or the growing number of fast foods?
Firstly, parents are responsible for the meal they provide their kids. They are also responsible for the day schedule, because eating spontaneously and without any timetable will also lead to overweight. Moreover, parents must give their children certain types of food, which will make up a well-balanced diet. For example, if mother is feeding her child only with fried food,or only canned food with preservatives it won't do any good.
Secondly, parents don't have to follow all preferences of their kids, they should forbid what is harmful, otherwise children will be eating only sweets and other nasty food.
However, children tend to eat tasty food. Nowadays advertising appear to make an influence, which pushes us to buy that particular type of fast food. Although, the once you try it the more you want it. Other kind of attraction is providing special menu, like we can find at McDonald's. They add a toy to the menu, so youngsters are willing to buy it, or even the whole serie of toys and as a result the eat a lot of harmful food.
Nevertheless, there are many factors that effect our eating habits. For example, occasional meal is something we can't avoid, and as a result the cheapest and easiest place to find is fast food outlet. And i can't help mentioning that our kids are moving less than the used to in previous years.
So to sum up, I have to say that it is impossible to blame only parents or on;y fast food restraints.They all together make a contribution to the problem. And as soon as parents start to watch their children and managers of fast food outlets will show the consequences of eating such meal in their ads we won't have a problem of overweight children.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Здравствуйте, хочу поделится успехами и попросить помощи в моем essаy. Вот засекла время, выбрала первую попавшуюся тему из academic модуля и за 35 минут написала сочинение.

The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health.

To what extent do you agree with these views?

Humans is society, which has it's own needs as well as other inhabitants of the Earth. But there is one of the most important needs common for all living species - food. Food provides us with carbohydrates, nutritions , vitamins and, what is more important, energy. But sometimes we consume more than we have to, which leads to gaining extra weight, especially in modern society where there are a lot of tasty food to choose from. But the problem of overweight effects not only adults, but our kids as well. So are parents to blame for this, or the growing number of fast foods.

Простите, но чисто по человечески интересует, как и сколько Вы к этому готовились. И сколько страниц данного форума Вы, например, прочитали.

Вы делаете ошибки, на недопустимость которых указано даже на последних страницах данной ветки. Если Вы не находите время на то, чтобы изучить материал, почему Вы думаете, что у нас есть время на проверку Вашего эссе?

[runk]

Вижу 2 основные проблемы...

Большое спасибо, что не ленитесь читать нашу писанину.. Спасибо за советы!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Большое спасибо, что не ленитесь читать нашу писанину.. Спасибо за советы!

You are welcome.

или, гороворя по-австралийски, No probs.

G'luck with your studies and hope to see you here again some time soon.

[maritasha]

Здравствуйте, хочу поделится успехами и попросить помощи в моем essаy. Вот засекла время, выбрала первую попавшуюся тему из academic модуля и за 35 минут написала сочинение.

The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health.

To what extent do you agree with these views?

Humans is society, which has it's own needs as well as other inhabitants of the Earth. But there is one of the most important needs common for all living species - food. Food provides us with carbohydrates, nutritions , vitamins and, what is more important, energy. But sometimes we consume more than we have to, which leads to gaining extra weight, especially in modern society where there are a lot of tasty food to choose from. But the problem of overweight effects not only adults, but our kids as well. So are parents to blame for this, or the growing number of fast foods?
Firstly, parents are responsible for the meal they provide their kids. They are also responsible for the day schedule, because eating spontaneously and without any timetable will also lead to overweight. Moreover, parents must give their children certain types of food, which will make up a well-balanced diet. For example, if mother is feeding her child only with fried food,or only canned food with preservatives it won't do any good.
Secondly, parents don't have to follow all preferences of their kids, they should forbid what is harmful, otherwise children will be eating only sweets and other nasty food.
However, children tend to eat tasty food. Nowadays advertising appear to make an influence, which pushes us to buy that particular type of fast food. Although, the once you try it the more you want it. Other kind of attraction is providing special menu, like we can find at McDonald's. They add a toy to the menu, so youngsters are willing to buy it, or even the whole serie of toys and as a result the eat a lot of harmful food.
Nevertheless, there are many factors that effect our eating habits. For example, occasional meal is something we can't avoid, and as a result the cheapest and easiest place to find is fast food outlet. And i can't help mentioning that our kids are moving less than the used to in previous years.
So to sum up, I have to say that it is impossible to blame only parents or on;y fast food restraints.They all together make a contribution to the problem. And as soon as parents start to watch their children and managers of fast food outlets will show the consequences of eating such meal in their ads we won't have a problem of overweight children.

Действительно ошибок достаточно. Начиная хотя бы с того, что сокращения в эссе не допускаются, структура эссе не соблюдена, хотя бы взять интродакшн. Слишком много предложений, дважды предложения начинаются с but, что также недопустимо, знака "вопрос" в эссе не должно быть, только утвердительные предложения.

Но, в общем, мысли и примеры неплохи. Приведите в порядок параграфы и почитайте информацию о formal english.

Здесь о структуре writefix.com
здесь - чего избегать и что употреблять How to Avoid Colloquial (Informal) Writing - wikiHow

Useful Phrases for Writing Essays

И почитайте последние несколько страниц форума. Были примеры эссе на 6-6,5 и комментарии к ним, потом напишите еще что-нибудь, принимая все во внимание и тогда посмотрим.

Вот еще статейка понравилась http://elf-english.ru/2009/11/ielts-...i-ocenivaniya/

А здесь еще раз про структуру и подробно про параграфы http://elf-english.ru/2009/10/ielts-...chast-pervaya/

[Masha_21]

Maritasha, огромное Вам человеческое спасибо!!!!!!!!!!! Буду читать, перечитывать и стараться))

[ellusive]

Проверьте, пожалуйста!!!!
The graphs shows the amount of rainfall in 12 month groups. It can be clearly seen that month groups of July an dof October have the highest amount of rainfall rate.
According to the graph, between the months of January, Febriary, March, April and May, the second month of the year has least amount of rainfall (about 38 mm). On March and April amount of rainfall climbs. There is a slight fall on August and September, where rainfall rate reaches 55 mm.
The peak value is recorded on October and all the remainng groups have much lower figures: about 53 mm on Novemeber and about 51 on December.
To sum up, the amount of rainfall during the whole year steadilly rises or falls.