My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[vnikitin]

А какие бы фразы вы посоветовали вместо I think, I beleive....???
Тему..... дал один из преподавателей, про которого я думаю что он исчерпал себя..... ну решила ее описать, потому что в общем про детей и их развитие - очень популярная.................... у меня кстати в предыдушей попытке попалась тема про деток, а именно " Как вы думаете, влияет телевидение положительно или негативно на их развитие????" а у меня как раз с головы вылетели все синонимы к слову сhild... или перенервничала или еще что-то, единственное что пришло на ум это offspring... думаю, что не совсем подходящее по жанру.... ну все равно написала на 7.0 ... сейчас думаю наверное academic cдавать..... не знаете случайно самое эффективное средство или учебное пособие научиться описывать графики, таблицы, диаграммы в кратчайшие сроки?

Что касается I think - я имела ввиду заменить его на I believe. На мой взгляд, звучит более академически.
Тема действительно популярная и интересная. Она мне не понравилась лишь тем, что формулировка не типичная для экзамена, а в формулировке всегда скрыт и тип сочинения, и предполагаемый ход мыслей, а это значительно влияет на оценку.
Что касается подготовки по графикам: могу Вам посоветовать то же, что и в своем предыдушем анализе описания графика (посмотрите ссылку постом ниже Вашего (на инглиштипс).

Удачи!

[SergShir]

А какие бы фразы вы посоветовали вместо I think, I beleive....???

Не читал работу, так навскидку (а там сами разберете по ситуациям)
- I find it
- Personally, I believe
- It is my firm belief
- избегать такого построения предложения, т.е. закладывать изначально другую конструкцию. Если постоянно писать I think... то это будет воспринято как poor English

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Здравствуйте. Оцените пожалуйта творение и если не сложно скажите на какой балл оно может претендовать.

It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be.
Give reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together.

It is certainly true that today’s families are far away from each other than they were in the past. There are several reasons why this problem has developed so fast in last years. This essay will give some causes of appearing this issue (This is not English, sorry!) and some actions which could be taken for making the present situation better.

Sorry, I can't go into a detailed review of your writing but you've changed the topic of the essay. Be careful with your choice of synonyms.

Generally speaking, your essay is not easy to follow, mainly due to Runglish and problems with sentence structure. I believe, you should first put a bit extra work in your English development, if your target score is 7 or above.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Здравствуйте, господа! Близится и моя сдача IELTS - 5 июня Питер. Speaking 3 июня. Готовлюсь сама.
Прокомментируйте, пожалуйста, моё творение.

The graph illustrates how fish and meat consumption was (or were?) (both OK) varying between years 1979 and 2004 in one -> a European country.
In 1979 the portion of fish eaten per person per week was about 60 grams. Lamb and chicken consumption were approximately equal – 150 grams. Dominating beef consumption was at the rate of 220 grams per week in 1979.
During given period of time the amount of consumable lamb and beef significantly reduced to 60 and 100 grams per person per week respectively, while chicken consumption considerably increased to 250 grams. Fish consumption have not changed significantly and just slightly reduced to about 40 grams in 2004.
It is noticeable, that chicken and beef consumption were at the same rate of 200 grams only in 1989. In 1989 onward production of chicken meat was growing steadily, whilst other sources of protein were becoming less popular among people in this European country.
Nowadays chicken is still the most consumable and affordable meat all over the world.

There are some mistakes with articles, but the most glaring problem is your last sentence. Why did you write it at all? Where's the information about affordability? Who told you it's most consumable?

[Innaveda]

Sorry, I can't go into a detailed review of your writing but you've changed the topic of the essay. Be careful with your choice of synonyms.

Generally speaking, your essay is not easy to follow, mainly due to Runglish and problems with sentence structure. I believe, you should first put a bit extra work in your English development, if your target score is 7 or above.

Спасибо за оценку. На самом деле мне нужно 6 баллов. Правда на сколько я поняла и для 6ки мне нужно еще работать и работать. Ну что ж никуда с подводной лодки не денешся.
Еще раз спасибо за труд)))

[Fiesta]

There are some mistakes with articles, but the most glaring problem is your last sentence. Why did you write it at all? Where's the information about affordability? Who told you it's most consumable?

aha, after I left here my answer, I was thinking about it)) To be honest, the idea that it's most consumable meat is IMHO. I supposed that if it was the most consumable among given products in 1990, than it would still very popular. Affordability was the result of my logical reasoning and consumer experience. ))

Now I understand that my last sentence is a tommyrot (or total bull-shit) .

Later I also read helpful articles about essay structure and nicked down, that there should be no new information and ideas in conclusion. It would be better to make a prediction in the end or just sum up.

[TheZombie]

товарищи, а где можно взять темы для General Writing 1 task?

есть что-нибудь из теории по написанию англ.писем?

[Innaveda]

Successful Writing - на торренте есть несколько вариантов для разных уровней знания языка.

[Fiesta]

People, help, please!!!

У меня вопрос:

когда спрашивают "to what extent do you agree or disagree", можно ли писать, что с 1 стороны я согласна, хотя с другой стороны - не согласна? Или это получается не логично? Или лучше четко выбирать позицию, и писать 35553?

[Bee]

Fiesta, I think that it is a kind of "for and against", so you should describe arguments of both sides. If I am wrong, please correct me

[Bee]

Dear friends,
I kindly ask you to check my work once again. Thank you in advance

Some people believe that students should be given one long vacation each year. Others believe that students should have several short vacations throughout the year. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

In this day and age, people argued a lot whether students should have the holiday once per year, or rather they should have a rest more frequently. This issue stills be a matter of considerable controversy. Personally I believe that few short vacations would be better for students and their families.

To begin with, it seems to be useful for educational process to have holidays more then one time each year. Students, as well as teachers, would have facilities of making their personal deals, such as a visit to the doctor or some domestic work calmly and freely.

Secondly, another advantage of several vacations throughout the year is the fact that this due to helps people be healthier. According to scientific reports, persons, who have a holiday twice every year, are less influenced by depressions and even virus infections. In addition, in this case every person would have ability to choose the most appropriate season for active rest. For instance, my sister has been given only summer’s vacation, nevertheless the winter’s holidays could be more interesting for her by reason of she likes skiing.

However, some people considered in favour of one long student’s vacation, therefore, students from other cities and countries could get an opportunity go at home during the break in learning. In spite of that, today the transport’s communication is enough developed to make their trip faster and convenient. Furthermore, many of students, especially first-year, suffer from homesick thus need to visit parents more often.

Taking into consideration everything mentioned above, I am inclined to believe that have two or three shorter holidays per year should be better for learners.

[Кантемир]

Здравствуйте. Спасибо Вам большое, что оценили мой предыдущий график. Оцените пожалуйста теперь этот и скажите, сколько я мог бы получить за такую работу на IELTS. Кстати, IELTS сдаю 5-го июня, поэтому очень важно узнать Ваше мнение. Заранее спасибо.

The chart compares sources of electricity in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000.

From the chart it is seen, that Australia in 1980 used a Coal as a main electricity source (50 units) while using of Natural Gas and Gydro Power were the same (20 units). Total production in 1980 in Australia was 100 units.

The situation has absolutely changed in 2000. The total production at that year was 170 units what is 1.7 times bigger than in 1980s. As it was in 1980, the main electricity resource was Coal. But in 2000 the electricity production by Coal were 130 units while the production by Hydro Power was only 36 units.

In contrast, France used a Coal and Natural Gas for producing 25 units of electricity for each fuel in 1980. Overall units production by Oil, Nuclera Power and Hydro Power was 40 units.

In 2000 the Nuclear Power in France was a fuel for producing 126 units of electricity. In Australia the Nuclear Power wasn't used at all. Overall production of electricity in France in 2000 doubled in comparison with 1980.

All in all, it is obvious that these two countries used different fuels for producing electricity: in Australia the main source was Coal while in France it was a Nuclear Power.

[Alisha]

товарищи, а где можно взять темы для General Writing 1 task?

есть что-нибудь из теории по написанию англ.писем?

Посмотрите Подборка материалов к экзамену IELTS (файл DOC, 80 Кб)

[Maimiti_Isabella]

People, help, please!!!

У меня вопрос:

когда спрашивают "to what extent do you agree or disagree", можно ли писать, что с 1 стороны я согласна, хотя с другой стороны - не согласна? Или это получается не логично? Или лучше четко выбирать позицию, и писать 35553?

Yes, you can choose to take sides or not - it's up to you. You can 100% agree or 100% disagree; you can somewhat agree or somewhat disagree; you can agree with some ideas and disagree with other ideas; you can even say that in cases like that it's very difficult to make up your mind.

HOWEVER! this type of essay is a dying one (if not 'dead' alredy) and so I wouldn't pay to it too much attention.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Здравствуйте. Спасибо Вам большое, что оценили мой предыдущий график. Оцените пожалуйста теперь этот и скажите, сколько я мог бы получить за такую работу на IELTS. Кстати, IELTS сдаю 5-го июня, поэтому очень важно узнать Ваше мнение. Заранее спасибо.

Your structures are ok, so is the organisation of your writing. The main problems are language-related, e.g. coal cannot be used with 'a'. Also fuel is generally uncountable. Nuclear power and coal do not require capital letters.
The total production at that year was 170 units what which is 1.7 times bigger higher than in the 1980s (three mistakes only in this part of the sentence).
The situation has absolutely dramatically changed in 2000

My IMHO - 6 -> 6.5